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Friday, May 24, 2019

I Have Insurance - If The Real World Worked. . .

CP: Do we have insurance?
ME: You know we do.
MYSELF: What type, specifically?
CP: Good question.
ME: Home?
ME: Auto?
MYSELF: Of course.
CP: Homeowners?
ME: Medical? Dental? Vision? Prescription?
CP: Life? Professional?
MYSELF: Yes and Yes. . . Especially in this profession.
ME: What's your point?
CP: Have you ever had to use it?
ME: Yes.
MYSELF: I hand someone a card or give them the information from the card.
CP: What happens then?
ME: Usually they tell me an amount to pay or send me a bill.
CP: Okay. Then what of you do?
MYSELF: Pay it!
CP: When you're standing at the doctor's office, or the ER, or speaking with your auto or homeowners representative, you don't question anything?
ME: No. They give me an amount and I pay it. It's a fairly straightforward, seamless transaction.
CP: Then why is pharmacy different?
MYSELF: What's the number one quote we hear from patients at the counter when they are presented  their copays?
ME: I. Have. Insurance!
CP: Right. As if that will erase everything. POOF! Copay be gone!
MYSELF: And it matters not if their copay is $0.13 or $13.13 or $1300.00. I. HAVE. INSURANCE! is waved around as if summoning the magical copay phairy to erase the balance.
ME: You know what's worse than a patient at the counter looking you dead in the eye and saying "Insurance. Insurance! I have insurance"?
CP: Standing at the counter when presented with a copay and simply, slowly, uttering 3 syllables: "Good. R. X.".
MYSELF: Yeah. Speaking of magic incantations.
CP: I think from now on, when people's response is either "Insurance" or "GoodRx", I am going to reply with "Stay Golden, Pony Boy".
MYSELF: It will be worth it for the confused looks.
CP: Sorry, I thought we were just throwing random words and quotes at each other, like a rap battle. "You say insurance, I say a quote."
ME: "Insurance"
CP: "Now is the winter of our discontent."
MYSELF: "Insurance!"
CP: "Forty-two!"
ME: "Insurance!"
CP: "All this pain is an illusion."
ME: I think you lost them all by now.
CP: Well, negotiations were short.

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