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Thursday, May 30, 2019


ME: What's got your knickers in a twist today, CP?
MYSELF: Or your diapers in a bunch?
CP: People.
ME: No shit, Sherlock. What, specifically, is chafing today?
CP: This guy. . .

CP: How may I set myself up to be bullied by you today?
Needlessly Enjoys Antagonizing, Needling, Denigrating Every Retailer That Has A Life: I need my prescription now.
CP: Swell. So do the other people just milling about out there. They're certainly not here for the atmosphere.
NEANDERTHAL: Not my problem. I'm on break and have other things to do.
CP: Most excellent. Perhaps you plan to treat the others with whom you interact as well as you have me.
NEANDERTHAL: I still need to pick up my lunch.
CP: Lucky you. I haven't peed in 9 hours.
CP: I made it 15 hours yesterday. My bladder is better than yours.
NEANDERTHAL: Not my problem. You knew what you were getting into.

MYSELF: Oh no he didn't!
CP: He did.
ME: You got pissed? lol!
CP: Well, I'd already thought about this as people like to throw this around from time to time as if it's an argument-ending trump card. That's when my mouth took over and bypassed my brain.
MYSELF: Uh-oh.

NEANDERTHAL: You knew what you were getting into.
CP: Did I?
NEANDERTHAL: Yes! It was your choice.
CP: Not really. I'm pretty sure when I was in 8th grade and watched the nice pharmacist discuss her profession, she didn't mention bladder capacity. When I researched the profession in my high school library (no internet yet, this was a real room with books!), bladder volume was not mentioned. In college, during my formative years, of all the classes in which I enrolled and attended, not one was on  the merits of urine collection. There were no tests on waiting to whizz. (Although I did practise during the Campus Party elective so I'm sure this helped.) In every job description I have ever read, there is nary a mention, nor whisper, of unusually unyielding urethral sphincters. There was no Superman description-"able to leap tall buildings, count by fives and hold it for 10-18 hours at a time"! In other words, no, I did not know what I was getting into. Are you trying to tell me pharmacists are not allowed to micturate? Anyway, what does it matter? With that being said, now that I have discussed it, I feel the need; the need to pee. Scuzati-ma.
NEANDERTHAL: But I need my prescription.
CP: Bladder over bully. BRB.
NEANDERTHAL: I need to get back to work.
CP: And I need to eat. You want to get me started on that discussion next? Or about how college ill-prepared me, and my job description mentions not the requirement that I also transmogrify into a dromedary when I come to work? How much time is left on your break?
NEANDERTHAL: You are the devil incarnate.
CP: Thanks for the compliment. Next time, just wait in line like everyone or I shall taunt you a second time!


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