I Want The Best, But. . .

CP: Welcome to the jungle, we've got phun and games.
Allergy Symptom Sufferer: I'm looking for something for my symptoms.
CP: We got everything you want honey, we know the names.
ASS: What can I take? I've tried everything.
CP: We are the people that can find whatever you may need.
ASS: You want me to try this?
CP: If you got the money, honey we got your disease.
ASS: No way. That's too expensive.
CP: So you're saying you're cheap?
ASS: NO! I already tried everything and nothing worked. I want the best!
CP: You can't handle the best. You should have come to me first. It would have saved you a lot of money and suffering. This is what you want.
ASS: Well, I would do anything, but I won't do that.
CP: Would you run right into hell and back?
ASS: If feels like I already have by coming here to talk to you.
CP: I'd never lie to you and that's a fact.
ASS: What do I need to do?
CP: It depends.
ASS: On what?
CP: Do you want to get better? Or do you want to complain? Because your symptoms are going to last another couple weeks and I just can't devote that much time to this conversation. I'm all out of lyrical references for the day.
ASS: I wish to get better.
CP: Then buy this. Phor phuture reference, please consult me before making any OTC purchases. You spent a lot of money on "names you know" that do not contain ingredients to alleviate your symptoms. You are much better off purchasing single-ingredient products and adding and subtracting them as symptoms come and go than you are buying a shotgun product that may or may not have what you need. You also run the risk of doubling up by mixing multiple-ingredient products.
ASS: So this is what I want?
CP: No. It's what you need. Next time, I'll tell you what you want, what you really really want.
ASS: You'll tell me what I want, what I really really want?
CP: I'll tell you what you want, what you really really want.