Ticks and Leeches

With spring upon us and Pharmacy Winter coming to an end over the course of this month, it is time to prepare for the next onslaught. Robins are a sign that Spring is coming. In the pharmacy world, our harbinger of spring is the first case of lice. As soon as it hits, it's time to order bulk quantities to get through the next month. This leads me to 3 stories:

An older woman approaches the counter and plops a plastic baggie in front of me:
OL: What is this?
CP: A bag.
OL: Yes. But what is in it?
CP: I don't know. I didn't put anything in there. Wouldn't you know since you put it in there?
OL: I found it and need it identified.
CP: <looks down> Lice...?
OL: Could it be something else?
CP: I suppose anything may be something else. Why? Where did you find it?
OL: In my son's underpants.
CP: <tastes bile> Crabs!
OL: "Oh, I am so kicking his 15 year old ass when I get home."

Lovely Lady walks up, places a baby food jar on the counter, removes the lid and pushes it towards me.
LL: What is this?
CP: <pushes it back> A jar.
LL: < pushes it to me> Inside the jar.
CP: <pushes it back> It's lice.
LL: < pushes it to me> My hairdresser friend said it's not lice.
CP: < pushes it back> It is.
LL: <pushes it to me> But my next door neighbour who's a nurse said it's not.
CP: <forcefully pushes it back> IT...IS...LICE. STOP PUSHING IT TO ME. Close the jar and leave. The products you seek are right there.

Crabs--A guy came to me asking for an OTC remedy. I showed him our Nix and Rid products and he balked at the $10 price. Seriously? You Have Crabs! He asked for something cheaper and I asked if he owned hair clippers and he gave me a funny look. I patiently explained that a bear can't hide in the forest if there ain't no trees, nudge nudge, wink, wink. He caught my drift, but again balked at the thought of something sharp nestling near his twig and berries. As he walked away he said "I guess I'll just go home and get a match and lighter fluid". Seriously. I shit you not. I wonder if he won a Darwin Award?