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Monday, March 28, 2022

Do Not Self-Edit II

CP: I really didn't think I'd make a sequel to this post, well, ever, let alone a week later, but here we are. 
ME: Just when you think you've heard everything. 
MICE ELF: I heard a rumour. . . 
ME: Phunny, Allison. 
MICE ELF: Sorry. As you were venting?
CP: It's not a lack of the ability to read; it's not a lack of comprehension per se, so what is it?
ME: What is what, boss?
MICE ELF: Is it a duck?
ME: I think MICE ELF needs a vacation. 
CP: Agreed. You know how we've had patients not be able to read their refills on their bottles?
ME: As when they say "but my bottle says 3 refills"! and we try to lead them to finishing the line with "UNTIL. . . ?" 
MICE ELF: And they keep repeating "3 refills"?
ME: You can give a person an education but you can't make them think.
CP: Precisely. This was a first and I had no words. 
ME: Do tell. 

CP: CP's Draughts and Drachms. How may I help you?
Bad Readers Unite Here: I need to know if I can double my medication to catch up. 
CP: Ordinarily, in most cases, I'm going to say not. But I want to hear the rest of this story. 
BRUH: I missed half of my doses for the last 4 days. 
CP: Bruh! What the hell? Sorry. Explain yourself. Did you forget? Leave them at home? Stolen by chipmunks?
BRUH: I didn't know I was supposed to take them. 
CP: Uh-huh. When we asked if you had any questions, you said. . . ?
BRUH: Nah. I'm good. It's on the label. 
CP: Uh-huh. And then what happened? 
BRUH: I read the label and it said "'Take 2 tablets by mouth' . . . and that's where I quit reading". 
CP: Quit. . . Reading. . . Uh-huh. So you missed the part where it said ". . . twice a day", I take it?
BRUH: Uh-yup. So can I take like a 5th or 6th one for the next couple days to catch up? 
CP: Can we go back to you only reading half of the directions? There were 8 words on that label and you stopped reading after the first 5. That's either some serious ADD or awful impatience. You probably stop the microwave with 0:01 left too. When cooking, do you make it past the part where the recipe says "preheat oven to 350"? 

MICE ELF: There are no words. 
ME: Oh, there are words; he's just not reading them.

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