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Thursday, July 29, 2021

Make Me

ME and MICE ELF: Tell us a story. 
CP: When I was young warthog!
ME and MICE ELF: When CP was a young warthooooog!
CP: I asked my mom for a toy. 
ME and MICE ELF: Awwww. 
CP: She said "no". 
ME and MICE ELF: Booooo!
CP: Worse, at times, she even ignored me; it was almost as if she'd not heard my pestering requests at all. 
ME and MICE ELF: Oh dear.
CP: I couldn't make her buy me the toy. My charms didn't work. My polite requests failed. My tantrums and whining produced no results.
ME and MICE ELF: What did you do?
CP: I stole it. 
ME and MICE ELF: <collective gasp>
CP: Not really. But now that I have your attention. . . 
ME and MICE ELF: Damn. Another allegory. 
CP: Requesting refills for patients makes me feel like that young warthog again. 
ME and MICE ELF: When CP was a young warthoooooog!
CP: I can request the refills. I can beg, implore, beseech, supplicate to be heard and get their refills. However, as with my mom, I cannot expect to be heard by the office. I cannot expect to be rewarded.  Sometimes, I am ignored. Just as I couldn't make her buy me that toy, I cannot make your provider give me your refills. Maybe you should try it with your own mother. I mean provider, yourself. 
ME: I take it something precipitated this? 
MICE ELF: Of course it did. You know our brain works in mysterious ways. It's how we deal with the retail world and compartmentalize to survive. 
CP: Lady called to yell that her inhaler was out of refills. It was a Friday night. Provider wouldn't call over the weekend, blah blah blah. Told me it was my job to automatically refill her all her medications, even the prn ones and it's my fault her provider didn't respond.
ME and MICE ELF: <laugh maniacally>
ME: You're so phunny, CP.
MICE ELF: <wipes away tears of laughter> Expecting people to get their own refills. 
CP: Turns out, when I finally reached her provider, they said she hadn't been seen in over a year and she needed to come in before they'd authorise more refills. 
ME and MICE ELF: Harsh. 
CP: She said "oh. okay". 
ME: No apology? 
MICE ELF: No "Thank you"? 
CP: <cackles> Now who's making who laugh? Providers are infallible. We are the assholes. 

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