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Wednesday, September 16, 2020

Now Go Away

CP: Welcome. My name is CP. I am here to unwittingly phrustrate you and simultaneously get annoyed by your behaviour. How may I accomplish this today? 
Demands A Modern Miracle I Think: I am here for my refill. 
CP: Oh, drat. It does appear as though this is on backorder. We did call to notify you. Sorry.
DAMMIT: This is unacceptable. 
CP: Sorry. I agree. We looked everywhere, called your prescriber and, as we have been telling you for 7 months now, it is still on backorder. 
DAMMIT: This is ridiculous. 
CP: Sorry. Agreed. Good day. 
DAMMIT: You need to fix it. 
CP: Sorry. As we have explained, we have exhausted all our options. Perhaps it is time to call your prescriber again. 
DAMMIT: This is absurd. 
CP: Sorry. Agreed. Good day. 
DAMMIT: I need this to live. 
CP: Sorry. It is quite obvious by the 7 months you have survived on a 30 days supply you will perish without this. Good day. 
DAMMIT: I don't know what kind of pharmacy you're running here. 
CP: Me either. Sorry. Good day. 
DAMMIT: I cannot believe this. 
CP: Neither can I. May I ask you a question?
DAMMIT: If it will help.
CP: I have been polite. I have been courteous. I have offered multiple solutions to your singular problem. I intend this in the nicest way possible: What can I say, and how can I phrase it, to make you go away? 
DAMMIT: Pardon?!
CP: I can only say "sorry, this is beyond our control. please contact the one person who can fix it" yet you continue to pretend your name is Roget and ask the same question with new synonyms each time while my answer has not changed, nor will it. Now what can I say to make you go away? 
DAMMIT: Well I never. 
CP: And you never will with that attitude. Good day.

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