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Friday, June 5, 2020

I Gave You All The Information

ME: With what are you going to regale us today?
CP: A story about patients not using the information provided to infer or deduce an answer to the question they are about to ask.
MYSELF: I sometimes wonder if people script the questions ahead of time and will ask them regardless of our answer.
ME: The bench is yours, CP.

<fade in to a pharmacy near you>
CP: Welcome to CP's Phortress of Philtres. How may I help you?
Barbie Asking Anyway: I am picking up my prescription today.
CP: Just one?
BAA: Just one.
CP: Okay. Good. It appears I have one, and only one prescription here for you.
BAA: Okay. Which one do you have?
CP: I have your Valtrex. And only your Valtrex.
BAA: Do you have my Ritalin filled?
CP: Sorry?
BAA: Do you have my Ritalin filled?
CP: Did I say I had two prescriptions?
BAA: No.
CP: Did you acknowledge the existence of only one filled prescription for you?
BAA: Yes.
CP: And did you also verify it was for Valtrex?
BAA: Yes.
CP: I have to ask. What would lead you to believe that, after confirming all of the above, you have a SECOND prescription ready for pickup and that it would be Ritalin?
BAA: <shrugs> So is it here?
CP: You make my ass twitch.

ME: What you're saying is there is a woman out there who has mouth herp and can't remember she has it?
MYSELF: Yes. She's an absent-minded herpelinguist.
CP: When I say there is one, There can be only one!
ME: Thank you, McLeod.

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