Hold Me Closer, Doctor Lancer

<overheard in background>
UT: CP is on the phone with another doctor so it will be a minute.
CP: <whispers> What's up?
UT: Angry doctor on hold phor you.
CP: My favorite kind.

<waits a minute after finishing previous call to collect self>

CP: Thank you for holding. This is CP, Pill Pauper to the Stars. How may I help you?
Doctor Is the Cranky Kind: Can I call in a prescription?
CP: You can try. Since we've only just met, I cannot phully answer that question.
DICK: <gives name in a mumbly manner>
CP: Could you spell that for me, please?
DICK: <hurriedly spells, lacking enunciation>
CP: Can you take me off speakerphone, please?
DICK: Sorry. I was on hold for like 15 minutes.
CP: Wow. Well you're not now. If you think that's bad, you should try calling doctors' offices. Now there's a wait time!
DICK: <harrumphs, and makes mocking laughter noise>
CP: My tech warned you I was on the phone with another doctor. It's the great thing about pharmacists as professionals. We get to answer our own calls and speak directly to the people who ask for us, unlike, say, doctors who are allowed to delegate the phoning in ability to others. Anyway, now that you complained about the wait and received a, some would say, unwarranted yet totally justified clapback after your peevish retort when I picked up the phone, how may I help you?
DICK: <spits rx out a la Eminem in Rap God>
CP: Sweet. Since this rx must be critically important that you personally took the time to call me and patiently waited on hold just for the privilege of speaking with The Pill Pauper, I am going to verify the accuracy of your speed read.
DICK: <scoffs>
CP: And lo it was sayeth by the menu of the phone: "if a doctor thou doth be, presseth the number 3, no more, no less. And by the pressing of the 3, thou shalt be taken unto the mail of the voices where thine message shall be left for the pharmacist to retrieveth at their leisure."
DICK: <click>

UT: Where was that doctor located?
CP: New York.
UT: That explains a lot. She definitely was not used to the CP approach to prescriber attitude.
CP: She's well-versed now.