Your Grasp Of Reality Is Slipping

CP: Thank you phor calling CP, Pill Pauper Extraordinaire. How may I make your day?
Adult Child Expecting Our Facility Specialises in Performing Any Deeds Easy, Simple: Yeah. My momma keeps getting texts-es-es..
CP: Perhaps that's a call for Verizon or Sprint?
ACEOFSPADES: Nah. They keep telling her I have something filled there.
CP: Perhaps, at the age of 42, you should move out of your momma's house and get your own phone. Just sayin'. Anyway. . .
ACEOFSPADES: Do you have something there for me?
CP: Nope. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.
ACEOFSPADES: I had it filled in another city last time.
CP: I see that. They have nothing filled either.
ACEOFSPADES: Yeah. No. I asked if if there was anything ready.
CP: Yeah. No. And I said there is nothing ready.
ACEOFSPADES: Can't you look in the system? I know other stores can look in there and tell me something is ready. Why can't you?
CP: I can look in the system. I did look in the system. In fact, I am looking in the system right now and no one has anything ready for you.
ACEOFSPADES: I said due to be filled.
CP: You did not say "due to be filled". You said "ready". Please read the transcript above. As I stare into the void of your profile I notice that you had all of your prescriptions transferred at the beginning of the month.
ACEOFSPADES: Yeah. To CVS.
CP: Well I can't tell if they're done at CVS. I can't tell if they're due. I can't even tell which CVS because they were transferred from my store to another location in another city and THEN they were transferred to CVS.
ACEOFSPADES: Then why do I keep getting texts-es-es from you?
CP: You don't. Your mom does. Did you read them? The texts?
ACEOFSPADES: No.
CP: Well perhaps if you did, you would notice the origin of the text. Maybe with the phone or store number or location of the pharmacy texting her. Did you read them?
ACEOFSPADES: Ass!
CP: Another Satisfied Shopper!


I think we need to add a script to our incoming phone message: "If you are calling about a text or voicemail you received, please make sure you have read or listened to it twice before pressing "8" to speak with the pharmacy staff. If you have not, your call will be disconnected after you have been given instructions on how to read a text or listen to a voicemail. Good day."