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Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Your Rx, You Prescriber

CP: Why do people ask questions we can't answer?
ME: Why do you keep having conversations with yourself?
MYSELF: Yeah! I'm busy.
CP: You're my only friends. You get me.
ME: What's got your knickers in a twist, today?
CP: Two things. They're related, but I think I'll split them.
MYSELF: Phine. Phirst?

CP: Welcome to CP's Palace of Poultices, how may I help you?
Arguing WithOut Logic: I am here to pick up my prescription.
CP: Blessed be the Gods! Someone actually picking up a prescription. Validation that all those texts and calls and drone flyovers really work!
AWOL: Um. Yeah. I just need my medication.
CP: Sure. Was it called in today?
AWOL:  Yes. I just left the office.
CP: I don't have anything ready for you. Wait. There it is. I found it. It's at our other location. Did you used to go to our North Main St. store?
AWOL:  Yes. How did it get there?
CP: I don't know. I'm going to go with your doctor sent it there.
AWOL:  My doctor's office is infallible!
CP: It appears they are not.
AWOL:  I was in the office today and told them to update my prepherred pharmacy to this location. They said they'd send it here.
CP: Oh. In that case, the only logical explanation is rather conniving.
AWOL: Yes?
CP: They sniped it.
AWOL: Huh?
CP: The other store intercepted it. They must have been really slow so they just reached into the Matrix and stole your prescription from me before I could get it. It's really competitive to get prescriptions now. We have to employ full time agents to monitor the Matrix for the best prescriptions. We also just dump the ones we don't want anymore. The problem children as we say.
AWOL:  That seems a little far-fetched.
CP: Well since you don't believe your prescriber is capable of making a mistake by sending your prescription to the wrong location, I assumed my scenario would be no less implausible. I challenge your sense of reality with my alternate reality.
AWOL:  What do I do now?
CP: Call your prescriber. Have them phix the problem they created. Or go to the other pharmacy. It's literally 4 minutes if you miss both traffic lights.

Part II:
CP: We do not have anything for you. Was it to be called in today?
AWOL: No. Last week.
CP: I see it. We sent a prior authorization request last Friday, again Monday and finally on Wednesday. After that, we sent you a text and canceled the request due to lack of a response from the provider.
AWOL:  I ignored that. I thought I'd just come down here to pick up my prescription.
CP: Which isn't ready. You should call the office.
AWOL:  No. You should send the request again.
CP: Why? Because the 4th time is the charm? No, you should call them.
AWOL:  No. You can resend it.
CP: Why? So your prescriber can ignore it like you ignore our texts? It's not my prescription. Personally, it matters diddly to me whether you receive this medication or not. If it's not important to you, it's not important to me. I can hit "generate p/a fax" all day long. Twice on Sundays. I cannot, however, make your prescriber read it, act on it, or reply to it. In order to accomplish that, you need to take action. Complaining to me is like yelling at the TV while watching Top Chef to complain that your car is overdue for a tire rotation.
AWOL:  That makes no sense.
CP: Welcome to my reality.

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