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Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Sometimes They Say "No"

CP: No.
ME: What's with the foreign language lesson, CP?
CP: Just curious if people will recognize the sound of "No" in other languages as easily as English.
MYSELF: I feel a post coming.
CP: Have you ever noticed how patients don't seem to understand this word? It's practically the first word we teach our children. It's also one of the first words they mimic back to us when we ask them to do something.
ME: Right. And?
CP: It's a simple, yet effective word. However, people seem to have a difficult time understanding its meaning.
MYSELF: No means No. Right?
CP: Yes.
ME: Okay. I'll bite. What was the impetus for this?
CP: Metrics.
CP: Yes.
ME: Explain.
CP: It started with a recent conversation with my boss. She popped by to discuss our performance on all the metrics we have to meet.
ME: And?
CP: I told her I wasn't trying.
MYSELF: What? How are you still employed?
CP: I wasn't trying to convince people to change their minds.
MYSELF: I bet that went over well.
ME: Like tofu at a steak dinner.
MYSELF: What, exactly, did you tell her?

Boss Lady: You need to sign people up for all of our programs.
CP: I cannot.
BL: Sure you can. I have phaith in you.
CP: I am an awesome pharmacist, but a lousy pitch bitch.
BL: It's all in how you ask.
CP: No it isn't. You know why? Sometimes people say 'NO'. Just like that. They say "no". I can ask politely; I can try to sweet-talk them; I can try to bribe them; I can even berate and belittle them for not saying "yes", but sometimes, people say "no".
BL: It's all in the ask.
CP: That's a corporate slogan. Like thinking outside the box. Jargon.
BL: You have to believe in it to sell it.
CP: Again. I'm not the one who needs convincing. I bet there were a lot of unsuccessful door-to-door vacuum and encyclopedia salesmen over the years who were fed the same lines of BS and felt bad about themselves for failures that were out of their control. I shall not feel bad because people say "no".
BL: Explain why these programs are so good, so helpful for them.
CP: You don't like to hear "no" either, do you? If they tell me "no", I'm going to tell you "no". Simple. No. If I'm not in the market for fresh salmon at the local monger, I'm not going to buy it. I'm looking for scallops tonight.
BL: Huh?
CP: If I am successful on 23% of my opportunities, that means that 23% of the respondents were willing to say "yes" and 77% said "no". I can't change their minds. It's also not my job to sell them. That's why we have marketing departments, print ads, radio ads, etc.
BL: Well you have to meet these numbers on all of our promotions or you won't get a good score.
CP: After all these years together, do you really believe I'm driven by who signs up for our app? Or our courtesy refill reminders? Or our sync program? You're still arguing with me as if you don't believe people ever say "no". Trying to get people to donate to our charity-cause-of-the-month? I always say "no" because I choose my charities on a personal basis. I say "no" to just about everything I am asked at a store: credit card? loyalty card? survey? free candy? And I know plenty of people like that.
BL: Well, you could at least try a little.
CP: I ask. They say "no". End of conversation. Next patient. If you want someone to strong arm them, hire me a cashier with a history in the mob. I'll hit 100% in about a week.

ME: Seriously. Why does your boss even like you?
CP: I'm honest. I hit my sales and Rx goals. I can think for myself. She doesn't have to worry about me and only visits when she wants to pull out some hair.
MYSELF: Next time, you need to sing to her.
CP: I thought about it. . .
"My name is "No"
My sign is "No"
My number is "No"
You need to let it go"

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