Cut Down The Order

CP: I wonder what phresh hell awaits us today?
ME: It's not so much phresh as it is shampoo directions.
MYSELF: Lather, rinse, repeat?
CP: Got it. Let's get started. Welcome to CP's Playhouse of Pills. How may I help you?
Lack Of Solid Thinking: I am here to pick up my prescription.
CP: Awesome! I love it when people pick up prescriptions! I get to talk to them, to counsel them, to interact with them. Honestly, it's the best part of the process.
LOST: How much is it?
CP: Your total for this 90 days supply is $135.00.
LOST: That's too much. You need to cut down the order.
CP: I can do that. Just give me about 9 minutes to process the change order and. . .
LOST: What!? I just want 30 days. Just cut it down. It was supposed to be ready 2 days ago! I've been without medication for a week now and now I have to wait for it?!
ME: <whispers> what was that comment about your favourite interaction?
MYSELF: Shut it.
CP: Unfortunately, and I know this will come as a shock to you, we are not McDonald's. There, you place an order, receive a total, pay it, then they assemble your order. Here, your order is placed, then assembled, THEN you pay for it. . . or not. At McDonald's you can downsize from a large fry to a small one at checkout because you don't have enough cash. Here, we have to change the amount we billed to your insurance, then count that quantity, then slap a label on it, then tell you what it costs, THEN you pay for it.
ME: You know, when you put it like that, it is a little backwards.
MYSELF: Yeah, but try getting people to call for the copay BEFORE coming in to pick it up.
CP: We tell them that all the time but they never listen.
ME: Maybe we could make it a multi-step process: Until you call or reply to our text agreeing to the copay, we will not fill it?
MYSELF: Because they don't already get enough texts they ignore?
CP: They'd just call and say "I got this text but I didn't read it. What do you want?".
ME: Anyway. . .
LOST: So you're saying I have to wait while you get something ready for me that was supposed to be done days ago?
CP: No. I'm saying it already IS ready. You are welcome to it right now. You can pay me the 90 days copay and walk away right now. Think of it as the "Buy Now" option. OR. . . you can enter a change order, like building a house, which will delay production and completion by about 9 minutes.
LOST: I have this problem every time I come here! My last pharmacy made me wait too.
CP: Phunny.
LOST: What.
CP: You don't see the problem.
LOST: Yeah! You're all trying to rob me.
CP: If YOU have the same problem everywhere YOU go, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, YOU are the problem. Despite repeated admonitions from pharmacy staff, you still have not heeded their advice. Call before you come to pick up your prescription. Ask your prescriber to only write for 30 days at a time. Either that or, continue to have this problem.
LOST: Just cut it down!
CP: Sure thing. I need about 22 minutes right now.
LOST: What!
CP: I now have a line, 3 doctor calls, and the obligatory 10 minute arguing penalty to impose in order to discourage future abuse of the staff and system. I'm sure you understand. We will page you when it's ready. Re-ready?
ME: Maybe we should add an isolation box for these people.
MYSELF: To keep them from loudly mumbling about our service and infecting others with their vitriol?
CP: That, and to keep them on display. We can make it like a hockey penalty box. We'll put up Plexiglass and let kids bang on the walls and scream at them until their prescription is ready. Re-ready?
ME: May make them think twice about arguing with the staff.
MYSELF: Either way, it'll be phun.