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Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Don't Break Me Down

CP: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to discuss a strange request. 
ME: What now? 
Myself: You need to phind some phriends. These discussions are killing us. 
CP: Well, the issues are killing me so it's only phair I share. 
ME: Phine. What's got your panties in a bundle this week? 
CP: I received a prescription for birth control. 
ME: You're on the pill? 
CP: No, dimwit. At work. It came via e-script for a patient. 
Myself: Makes a whole lot more sense. 
CP: Moving on. It was for 12 tablets. 
ME: Okay. So you fill the pack, she takes the 12 tablets, then tosses the rest. Easy Peasy. 
CP: Except she wanted me to only sell her the 12 tablets. 
Myself: Like, pop them out? 
CP: Exactly. 
ME: How would that work? 
Myself: Do you get to pick which 12 tablets? Like 3 blue, 7 pink, and 2 white? 
CP: Right? They come in a set. 
ME: It's like trying to open a 12-pack of beer. I really only feel like drinking 9 tonight. I'm just going to leave the other 3 here. Can you prorate the cost for me? Thanks. 
Myself: Do people really expect that elsewhere? Like taking 3 rolls of toilet paper out of a 4-pack? 
CP: Well there are the people who only need 2 tablets of Bisacodyl for their bowel preps and don't want to buy the 25-count box. 
ME: Maybe we should just change our business model. We could be the first to open bulk containers and allow patients to purchase only what they need. 
CP: You mean like we already do? With 100-, 500-, and 1000-ct bottles behind the counter? 
ME: No. We open all the packages. Birth control, vitamin drops, OTC products, creams and other topicals, and ooh! inhalers!
Myself: What? How would we do that? 
ME: We just have a community inhaler open at all times. We could charge patients by the puff. 
CP: You've lost it, my phriend. Although we could cut the costs to patients. If each patient had her own MDI (the plastic mouthpiece), we could just insert the canister, allow them their dose of 1 or 2 puffs, then charge them accordingly. 
ME: No cooties! 
CP: Yes. Thank you. 
Myself: So did birth control girl buy the whole pack? 
CP: Yes. She had no choice. I'm not sure why it was an issue anyway. She had no copay on her insurance. I just explained perhaps she'd need it again and would have enough for another round. 
ME: Like buying the full case of beer in anticipation. 
CP: Precisely. Which is what I did after this conversation. 

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