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Monday, February 26, 2018

Pharmers Only

Pharmacies are constantly trying to come up with ways to make patients' visits more enjoyable. Instead of phocusing solely on prescriptions, they are offering new services. 
Introducing: "Pharmers Only", an in-store dating app that will provide matches while you wait.  

How does it work? 
Upon enrolling in the service, you will upload a list of your current medications and the desired medication profile of your potential partner. Every time you get a new prescription, an alert is sent to other patients who received medications on your "prepherred list". Both of you will be given similar pickup windows. It's called the "Kismet" pheature. 

What if I am already in the store? 
The app will ping you and a potential match alerting you there is a #PharmMatch nearby. It's the  matches-while-you-wait pheature. We expect it to be the most popular use of our app. 

What if I only take maintenance medications? 
This is the easiest use of our system. Simply review patients based solely on their medication profiles and our system will synchronize your refills with the match(es) you have selected for that month. 

Can I select certain medications to exclude matches? 
Yes. If your medications may produce an interaction with a potential match's profile, you can exclude those. 

What if I'm thinking a little more superficial? 
<sighs> Yes. You can exclude all profiles that have filled Valtrex, Denavir, or Zovirax in the past. Happy? 

Can I select certain profiles based on one medication? 
Dude. No. You cannot select "Birth Control" as the only criterion. 

Can you supply some of your lame pharmacy pickup lines to help break the ice? 
Of course. But you have to choose wisely. 

1. "I'm easily administered, like Lactulose. I can be taken orally or rectally."
2. "Single this Valentine's Day? Come to the pharmacy where we can treat your VD . . . blues."
3. "Call me Proair because you can use me every 4 hours as needed."
4. "You must be a 5-alpha reductase inhibitor because that is one Finasteride."
5. "You can always get it over the counter at the pharmacy. Just ask."
6. "Pharmacists come in prescribed doses."
7. "Are you here to pick up a bottle of insulin because you are extra sweet."
8. "I need to keep Amiodarone on hand because every time I see you, my heart skips a beat."
9. "A pharmacist's love is like Nystatin Suspension-you have to swish before you swallow."
10. "If you're looking for a short-term fling, I've got just this thing. Call me Medrol and I'll be all over you the first day before slowly slipping away."

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