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Monday, May 18, 2015

Learn, Damn You

We should make a series of instructional videos titled: How to Train Your Patients. We could play it on an endless loop in the waiting area.

Our first lesson would be out-of-stock/special order items. In this first vignette, we would show this all-too-common occurrence.

Usual Man: I needs me a refill.
CP: Swell...Alas, we are out of this medication currently.
UM: What? I take this every month. Shouldn't your computer know I'm due for my refill and order this for me automatically?
CP: I suppose it could...But let us flash back to, well, each of the last 3 times you've been in here for this prescription, shall we? I personally spoke with you each time. I specifically mentioned, nay, pointedly told you, that this was a special order item we do not carry due to its expense. You are also the only patient who takes this.
UM: But you should know I'm due!
CP: You're saying I should know better than you, the patient, the person who actually has to physically reach inside the bottle and sees his supply dwindling daily down to infinite nothingness, that your prescription is due for a refill?
UM: Yes!
CP: Okay. Let me see if I understand this: For the last 3 months, I have told you to call this in at least 24 hours in advance. You won't sign up for the Refill Reminder Texts. You believe I should keep this medication in stock only for you. You get mad when, despite months of me telling you the same thing, you continue to ignore my advice and simple solutions to your problems. Do I have the gist of it?
UM: Um, yeah.
CP: I think you just keep coming here to argue with me. I think you look forward to this each month. I bet you circle this on your calendar every 30 days as a way to vent some frustration rather than refill your prescription.

At the end of the video, we would show that "UM" remembered next month to call in his refill 24 hours before he needed it...on a Saturday afternoon.

You're right. Scratch that. We might as well show videos of kittens playing with prescription bottles.

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