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Sunday, February 20, 2022

Not Your Messenger

CP: Thank you phor calling CP's Cellar of Physic. How may I assist thee?
Female Rapidly Using My Patience: Did my prescriber call in my refill yet?
CP: We are indeed in receipt of your medication. 120 tablets for 30 days. 
FRUMP: It's supposed to be 240 tablets. I take 2 tablets at a time. 
CP: They sent us 120 at 1 tablet per dose. Perhaps you should call them. 
FRUMP: I always take 2 tablets. I've been taking 2 tablets forever. 
CP: Apparently, your streak comes to an end today. If you're expecting something different, you should call. Maybe she is weaning you off the medication? Or making a change?
FRUMP: No. She didn't say anything to me. You need to get the correct prescription. 

Uber-Tech: Thoughts?
CP: Bets?
UT: Prescriber changed it?
CP: That's my guess. Let's call. 

Nurse On Phone Exasperated: Dr. Zoffis, How may I help you?
CP: CP phrom Cellar of Physic calling to verify an e-script I received phor a patient. 
NOPE: Sure. 
CP: It came across as "1 qid" but the patient states she was expecting it to be "2 qid" as she previously received. Did the prescriber change her dosing?
NOPE: Let me check <mumbles the notes as she reads> Yes. 
CP: Ok. That's what we thought. Can you call her and explain that to her? She's called thrice this morning and yelled at us that we aren't filling it correctly and somehow, we can't read it correctly or interpret it correctly and one should be two. 
UT: When two become one?
CP: "Come a little bit closer, baby, Get it on, get it on 'Cause tonight is the night when two become one."
NOPE: Huh. 
CP: Nothing. Can you call?
NOPE: Nope. She was notified 30 days ago at her appointment. 
CP: Well apparently it didn't sink in. Can you call her again so she stops harassing us?
NOPE: Phine. 

UT: Think it'll sink in this time?
CP: Nope. She won't be happy that two became one. 
UT: She'll probably still take two anyway.

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