Time Flies

ME: Worst insect to plague pharmacy?

MICE ELF: Lice. 

ME: Second worst?

CP: Time Flies. 

MICE ELF: I really thought the title of this post used "flies" as a verb. 

CP: Nope. They're annoying little insects that suck the time out of our days and apparently transfer it to the patients that call us; those who have too much time on their hands and yet also need more of ours. 

ME: Like people who call us multiple times per day to ensure their prescription is still ready. 

MICE ELF: Is it ready? Is it ready ready? 

ME: Reminds me of prank phone calls asking if your refrigerator is running.

CP: I'm curious because I always wonder at how long people give themselves to find their "lost/missing" prescriptions before they call the pharmacy yelling. 

ME: There has to be some ratio between time spent looking for the "missing" Rx and the time until they decide to call to bitch. 

MICE ELF: Can 0:NOW be a real ratio? 

CP: Every time. Without fail. Every single time someone has called to complain, I have refused to look for their prescription. 

ME: Haha. Seriously? 

CP: Yes. 

MICE ELF: Well that's not very professional. 

CP: Neither is calling to complain without having actually checked for the prescription. I will pull up the register transaction, see that it was scanned, or recall that I scanned it out myself, then leave the patient on hold until I tire of the phone yelling at me. 

ME: Punishment hold. And?

CP: Then I will begin to politely explain that I have not found it at the pharmacy and, you know what?

MICE ELF: What?

CP: The patient will interrupt me and say "never mind. I found it". 

Here are the latest examples:

"Oh. I didn't see it on top and reached in the bag. While I was on hold I dumped the whole bag and it was on the bottom."

"Oh. I didn't see that each Rx was in its own bag and I only opened the first one. I found it while I was on hold."

"Oh. I opened the bag to take one as I was driving away and didn't notice the other one fell out of the bag and onto the floor of my car. It was stuck between the seat and the door. I found it while I was on hold."

"Oh. I opened it on my lap in the car and when I got out, it fell out and rolled down my driveway. I found it while I was on hold."

MICE ELF: I wonder if these people call the car dealer when they can't find their keys in the morning. 

ME: They're too used to using "find my iPhone" when they walk downstairs and can't recall where they were last. It's easier to "ping" it from their watch than it is to walk back to the bathroom, which they will have to do anyway. 

CP: Honestly, calling someone is the last thing I want to do. I will tear apart my house and retrace my steps before I prostrate myself for help. Why is it that people feel no compunction about calling me to waste my time? Why do they wait until AFTER they call me to look? 

ME: Maybe we could charge a finder's fee?

MICE ELF: Like the cable guy. That'll be $100 just for me to walk into your house. I'll send ME right over. 

CP: And while we're there we can take their medications for them. That way we can ensure compliance and that they aren't missing any doses. 

ME: This sounds familiar. 

CP: I called it "The Phuture of Pharmacy". I can add "Phinders Keepers" to the a la carte menu.