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Monday, July 6, 2020

Move Along, Move Along

The next time someone visits your drive-thru and gives your technician a difficult time, remember that you are inside.
Person At Drive Thru Huffing And Irritated: <screaming unintelligibly>
CP: <picks up D-T microphone> Hello.
CP: Are you yelling at my technician? The employee trying to help you?
CP: Are you in your car?
CP: Good. Then you can drive your ass somewhere else.

CP: Welcome to the Drive-Thru. How can this end poorly?
PADTHAI: Can I get stuff from the front here?
CP: <whispers to self> that did answer my first question. <to patient> Within reason. What do you seek?
PADTHAI: Your store brand allergy medication.
CP: Generic for which brand?
PADTHAI: The 24 hour one.
CP: And which of those might you prefer?
PADTHAI: Your brand.
CP: Of which name brand.
PADTHAI: The once a day one.
CP: I've really got nothing better to do than continue this stand up routine with you. As you've asked me to help you, and I sillily acquiesced against my better judgement, I thought you could help me help you by helping me to help you.
PADTHAI: The green one.
CP: Green tablet or green box?
CP: Zyrtec?
CP: How many?
PADTHAI: Doesn't matter.
CP: There are at least 3/4 dozen package sizes out there and as I've previously mentioned, I have nothing else to do except make decisions for you that will ultimately be incorrect so let's waste more of my time, shall we?
PADTHAI: The medium size.
CP: We have no packages shaped like spiritualists.
<CP returns triumphantly>
CP: I have a 100 count box for $30.00.
PADTHAI: Just for allergy medication?
CP: It's more than just allergy medication. It's 24-hr, once-a-day allergy medication! Generic, no less!
PADTHAI: Do you have a smaller one?
CP: I do. And larger ones. You asked if we sold OTC products through the Drive-Thru. I said we do, within reason. It is not my job to shop and make critical decisions for you. We have packages sizes of 300 tabs, 240 tabs, 120 tabs, 100 tabs, 90 tabs, 60 tabs, 36 tabs, 24 tabs, and 10 tabs. I chose the mean value for you. I could have selected the median value of 90, but. . . I opted to not.
PADTHAI: What are the prices for all the others?
CP: I didn't check. There's a reason they are out there and I am back here.
PADTHAI: Harrumph! Any ideas?
CP: I'm going to go with higher for the larger counts and less for the lower counts. You asked me to sell you a product, size of my choosing, through the drive thru. You did not give me a budget with which to make a more informed financial decision, nor did you provide constraints on the size selection. Therefore, you get what I pick or you can don a mask, walk inside, and choose for yourself. As I've mentioned twice now, I have all day to wait for you here at my drive thru. The one with the line of 9 cars in which you too waited for this opportunity; the opportunity you have spoiled.
PADTHAI: I think we should go elsewhere.
CP: Finally, a decision made by you. And what a glorious one it was. Good day.
Uber-Tech: Well that went poorly.
CP: As predicted.

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