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Wednesday, November 13, 2019

I Felt Better

CP: CP's Palace of Pills and Potions. How may I help you? 
Not Enjoying Withdrawal Symptoms: I have a problem. 
CP: You have a problem? She turned me into a newt!
NEWS: A newt? 
CP: I got better. Anyway. You were saying? 
NEWS: I was taking medication for my sciatica. And it helped. 
CP: Good news. What's the problem with it working? 
NEWS: I felt better so I stopped taking it. 
CP: I see. Let me guess. . . it stopped working when you stopped taking it? 
NEWS: Yes! Now I don't feel as good. And I have these terrible withdrawal symptoms. 
CP: Makes sense.  
NEWS: Why? I got better. 
CP: You weren't treating the disease, you were only blocking the symptoms. You got better BECAUSE you were taking the medication. You quit taking the medication and, ipso facto, it stopped working.  
NEWS: How's that? 
CP: Pretend you're a car. 
NEWS: What kind? 
CP: A Yugo. Doesn't matter. You fill it with gas and drive around town. You stop by the local pharmacy, then the grocer, then head off for a picnic in the country. On your way home, the gas tank runs dry and the car stops. Is there a correlation between the gas tank and why the car stopped working? 
NEWS: So you're saying that because I didn't put my medication in me, I didn't run?
CP: Succinctly, and oddly, disturbingly, visually stated. 
NEWS: Can I start taking it again? 
CP: Fill 'er up. 

Uber-Tech: Is there any situation you can explain to a patient without a scenic analogy? 
CP: No. Why be boring? Besides it's easier for people to comprehend something they already understand than it is to teach them something novel for which they have no prior experience to apply. 
UT: You are rather wordy. 
CP: I prefer loquacious. And she had her "aha!" moment. 
UT: We're talking away. 

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