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Thursday, June 6, 2019

Nothing For Nothing

CP: Hello! This is Head Pill Pauper CP. How may I help you?
Person Is Not Knowing Everything Years Earlier: Yeah, I was holding for a price?
CP: On?
PINKEYE: An eye ointment.
CP: Any one in particular?
PINKEYE: One for pinkeye.
CP: You need a prescription. . .
PINKEYE: No. I can get it over the counter.
CP: You really can't, unless you have a prescription and hand it to me. Then I will slide your prescription over the counter to you.
PINKEYE: Can you just tell me a price?
CP: On what, exactly?
PINKEYE: An ointment for pinkeye.
CP: There isn't one. They can use a prescription ointment, which would be uncommon as I've always dispensed drops but. . .
PINKEYE: I just want a price. I had it before years ago and it was OTC.
CP: Okay. What's the name?
PINKEYE: I don't know. I threw the package away years ago.
CP: Okay. You want me to give you a price on an ointment, the name of which you do not know, for a condition that is not treated with an OTC ointment, right?
PINKEYE: I just want a price.
CP: Well I can't give you a price on nothing. Other than "nothing".
PINKEYE: This is ridiculous.
CP: You're telling me. This is like calling a used car lot and asking for a price on a car. A car you passed on the freeway while driving through Arkansas 7 years ago. Though it could have been an SUV, or a van, or maybe a truck; maybe a motorcycle. It could have been a colour, or not a colour.
PINKEYE: I just want a price on an ointment for pinkeye!
CP: Okay. My assorted OTC selection right now contains eye unguents that range from $7.99 to $29.87. Sound good? You now have a price.
PINKEYE: There. Why was that so hard?
CP: You have no idea.

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