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Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Not Paying It. . .

CP's Partner: What did you do on your day off?
CP: Antiquing.
CPP: Like, buying antiques? That doesn't seem like you.
CP: Sort of. I visited funeral homes.
CPP: Wow. Now that sounds a LOT like you. Pourquoi?
CP: Business related reasons.
CPP: Do go on.
CP: I was collecting business cards.
CPP: Research? You're not that old.
CP: It's never too early to start planning, as patients here constantly remind us with their constant whingeing of "I'm going to die!"
CPP: Wait. You said "business reasons", right?
CP: I did.
CPP: This should be good.
CP: You know how we always have those patients that are mere seconds from an untimely demise every time we interact with them?
CPP: The overdramatic, "I'm going to die if I don't get my medication this second even though I missed half my doses over the last 3 months of my one month medication and it's all your fault and I'll sue you if I die"? Those ones?
CP: Yes. But this is more for the "I'm not paying that, it's too expensive" sect. You know how we always have this conversation?:
     On Death's Door: "I never paid that before!"
     CP: Well you're going to pay that today if you want your medication.
CPP: It's like the price of gas. Or if Rip Van Winkle woke up today with $5.00 in his pocket and expected to do all his grocery shopping and receive change.
CP: Precisely.
CPP: What's the plan?
CP: When they say "I'm not paying that. What are you going to do about it?", I am going to reach into my pocket, fan out a pile of these cards and say "pick one!".
CPP: And when they ask "what is this"?
CP: My reply will be, "OOOH! That's a good one! Better hurry, they've been booking up quickly of late. If you act now, they'll even throw in an after-mourning pill for your widow(er)."
CPP: I like the "after-mourning pill" myself. Seriously though, you're crazy.
CP: I suppose I should visit the local cemeteries as well to see if they are booking. Perhaps we could link our website for our soon-to-be-departed phriends with a plot-purchasing service. It could be an all-in-one pricing service similar to Priceline or Expedia.
CPP: What would you call such a service? Personally, I like YoureDone.com.
CP: DebtAndBuried.com or FinalDeathtination.com.


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