Winning At Customer Service

When it comes to healthcare, people only care about one thing. Speed. And cost. Okay two things. The two things people care about when it comes to their healthcare are speed and cost. And convenience. Okay. The three things people care about are speed, cost, and convenience. Apparently, pharmacy has fully embraced this concept and based its rewards system on these three tenets of healthcare.

I like to play games. 

I hate to play corporate games. 

I like to play games with corporate. 

Corporate hates when I play their games better than they do. 

Here is my proposal: Remember the other week when I said "suck at your job"? The second part of that is to wait until corporate starts a contest. Since you intentionally failed miserably at their quotas/metrics, you know how to meet them. Now that there is extra incentive for you, excel at your job. Reverse course and, instead of fighting against the flow, go with it. You won't have to do anything and you will be Most Improved! 

But I don't want to stop there. No way. I say go Balls Out to beat them at their own game. 

Corporate says to give gift cards. 

Corporate says to remind patients to call the 1-800-I-HATE-YOU number. 

Corporate says to increase Customer Service Scores.  

The solution: Become Oprah. 

Give EVERYONE a $10.00 Gift Card. 

a. 20 minutes too long to wait? Gift Card to sit quietly. 

b. On the fence about a flu shot? Gift Card to help my numbers. 

c. I need more Zostavax, Pneumo, or Tdap shots this week. Gift Cards for each one you get. 

d. Out of stock on your new e-script? Gift Card for you. 

e. Gift Card if you call the 1-800# from our waiting room. 

f. Just walking past the pharmacy? You get a Gift Card too! 

You get a gift card!

Everybody gets a Gift Card!

If "they" want us to give gift cards to reward negative behaviour, we should be able to buy a few positive votes as well, right? It is election season after all.

 I wonder how long it'll be before they decide to rethink the whole negative-reinforcement-buy-them-off-with-gift-cards concept...