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Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Ways To Improve

Stores are often tasked with designing ways to improve their performance. Whether it is increasing script count, customer satisfaction calls, flu shot totals, or the atmosphere of their pharmacy, for some reason the stores are responsible. Even though we have District Managers and a Corporate Marketing Team, for some reason, underperforming stores must get creative ... in addition to all their other duties, like actually filling prescriptions.
The next time corporate asks for suggestions, keep these in mind.
To increase flu shots:

1. Snipers. Snipers with blow darts.
2. Impregnate the handles of the shopping carts/baskets.
3. Needles on the chairs in the waiting room.
(Note: They did not say we had to collect copays, only that we had to increase the number of flu shots administered.)
4. Mascots. You know the Liberty Tax locations that dress an employee as a Statue of Liberty during tax season? She's out of work right now so get her a Giant Syringe costume and stick her on the corner. Perfect for Halloween season too.
5. Play Hide-And-Get-Shot with the kiddos while they wait with their parents.
6. Hold their prescriptions hostage.

Little Old Lady: I'm here to pick up my prescriptions.
CP: Have you had your flu shot yet?
LOL: No. I get it at my doctor's office.
CP: I see. Would you like one today? No appointment necessary.
LOL: No, thank you. I just need my heart medication.
CP: Ok. That'll be $20.00 for the 4 of them...and a flu shot.
LOL: What?
CP: How bad do you want your heart medication?
LOL: I need it to live.
CP: A flu shot will help too.
LOL: I just need my medication.
CP: I cannot sell these to you until you agree to a flu shot.
LOL: But I'm getting one next week.
CP: I don't know that. Believe me, it's for your own good.
LOL: I'm going to have a panic attack.
CP: I guess you'd like the Xanax in your bag too then, huh? Agree to a flu shot...
LOL: But...
CP: It's just a quick prick...
LOL: But...
CP: It'll be over before you know it.
LOL: This is a shakedown.
CP: Corporate said to increase the number of flu shots we administer. They did not rule out extortion.

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