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Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Proof Pharmacy Exists Outside the Real World

CP: Good Morning and welcome to the first of the month where reality ceases to exist. How may I help you?
Dazed and Confused Mother: I need to fill this prescription for my son. He's never been here before.
CP: Welcome to you both. Let me get all your information.
DCM: I'm already in the system.
CP: Peachy. As you said, he is not. I shall need to enter him from scratch.
DCM: But I've been here before!
CP: And I've been to California before.
DCM: <Puzzled look>
CP: Do you have his insurance card?
DCM: No.
CP: I need it in order to process the prescription to it. Or I can charge you the exorbitant cash price of $5.00.
DCM: No way! He has insurance. It's Medicaid. <Looks at me expectantly>
CP: <Looks at her with matched expectancy>

hours pass…
DCM: Aren't you going to look it up?
CP: Question for you.
DCM: Okay.
CP: Did you have a good Thanksgiving?
DCM: Yes?
CP: Did you do some Black Friday shopping?
DCM: Of course.
CP: Get some good deals?
DCM: Yes. <explains a few purchases>
CP: How'd you pay?
DCM: Credit card.
CP: You knew you were going shopping, right?
DCM: Of course.
CP: You planned your trip? Which stores to hit? Who had the best deals? What to buy where? You made sure you had your purse and your wallet?
DCM: Yes.
CP: With your credit cards inside?
DCM: Duh!
CP: If you had made it all the way to the front of the line with your new 50" TV, XBox, and other purchases and realised you didn't have your credit card, would you have asked them to just look it up?
DCM: No. That's ridiculous.
CP: Do you think they would have called Visa simply because someone in your house had shopped there once before?
DCM: No.
CP: So you're expecting me to believe that you forgot your Welfare Credit Card, went to the doctor, received a prescription, knew you were coming to the pharmacy, and now you're expecting me to fix your problem for you? In what world are you living? Never mind the fact that you scoffed at $5 for this prescription but you just spent over $500 on new electronics last weekend.
DCM: So I should go home and get it?
CP: That would be ideal. Or you could return some items and scrape up the cash for the copay?
DCM: <Sends son to the car> He found it!
CP: Okay. That'll be 25 minutes to wait now.
DCM: What? Why so long?
CP: How long did you wait in line for all that crap you just bought? It's now 45 minutes.

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