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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Waiver Zone

I need a lawyer. Keeping in mind how much I love lawyers, this is a pretty big admission for me.
("If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need lawyers.")

It's not what you think, however.
I would like a lawyer to draft an exemption clause for me, for pharmacy, for those of us in the trenches. It will be an amnesty clause. Get out of jail free card.

Patients are so quick to blame the pharmacy for everything that stands between them and their medication. Building on the Disney Fast Pass Lane I want installed at my pharmacy, and adding to the $50.00 instant no-questions-asked flu shot fee, I want to add a special lane for "I'll Take My Chances".

The "I'll Take My Chances" (aka Russian Roulette) Lane will allow you to walk right over, sign a legal waiver absolving the pharmacy, pharmacist, and all its staff of any and all blame should any errors occur or fatal reactions ensue from a "Filled-Exactly-As-It-Was-Written" prescription. No questions asked. This will be more along the lines of "I Want It Right NOW" instead of "I Want It Right". Patients will accept full responsibility. I am sure we could have an attorney present at the table where these are signed to bear witness to the forfeiture of all future recriminations against anyone involved in filling these prescriptions.

Imagine the time we will save. No longer will our phone lines be tied up both ways (us calling prescribers for explanations and the patients calling us asking what is taking so long). No longer will we have to deal with the Charles Manson Stare Down as these patients will be placated in the knowledge their high-risk, high-reward prescriptions will be filled imminently. We can issue a 5 minute guarantee on this lane and have it staffed by one pharmacist and one technician at all times. There will of course be a surcharge imposed for this service but keep in mind, you are worth it!

We can even extend this to "one-and-done" on insurance billing. We will attempt to bill one, and only one, insurance for you. If it does not go through, requires prior authorization, or you are unsatisfied with the copay, your options become Take It OR Leave It. There will be no discussion, no pleas for what's behind Door #3. I am not Monty Hall. This is not a discussion. If you want fast service, know what you want and expect to pay for it. It will be like the Soup Nazi. No argument, no debate, no Rx for you. Next!


  1. Visit this blog, look around a little - then make contact and ask him to raise the Popehat Signal for you (it is a bit link the gotham city bat signal - but for lawyers) Someone might help. http://www.popehat.com/