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Thursday, November 6, 2014

Happiness in Slavery

Today is not Valentine's Day. I will not be your bitch. But I will be happy to treat you like one.

Every once in a while there comes along an opening, an opportunity for an educational moment. A teaching moment, if you will. When the tech shouts "guy bitching about a price match and he doesn't  know the W's", I rub my hands together in anticipation. This will be good.

CP: <picks up phone> Thank you for holding. This is CP's pharmacy where you get a dose of medicine to go along with your medication if you abuse my techs, pharmacist speaking, how may I help you?
Dumb and Dumber Solo: You didn't match my price.
CP: Did you tell us to match your price?
DDS: No. That's your job.
CP: No it isn't.
DDS: Yes it is.
CP: Print me my job description and highlight that area in green for me please.
DDS: What?
CP: Okay. Here's an easy one. WHO are we matching?
DDS: I don't know.
CP: WHAT price are we matching?
DDS: I don't know.
CP: WHEN did you get this price from "them"?
DDS: I don't know. You always do it.
CP: Last one: WHERE is this mystical matching pharmacy?
DDS: I don't know. You always handle it and I'm pissed!
CP: If you do not ask me to price match, HOW am I supposed to know?
DDS: That's not my problem.
CP: Hmm. Perhaps you should not entrust us with such an important mission in the phuture. It would behoove you to have this information ready on all subsequent visits.
DDS: That's not my job.
CP: And until you bring me my job description, I am going to have to tell you it is NOT MY JOB either. YOU want me to match A price but YOU don't know WHO, WHAT, WHERE, or WHEN? That's like telling an English student to solve for the square root of purple. Throw me a frickin' bone here buddy. Prices change. Pharmacies add, but mostly remove, items from their lists all them time. My job is not to stay current on them for one crabby patient who can't be bothered to take care of his own lone prescription.  I have over 400 I am going to do today. I don't have time to worry about your price. The fact that I am going to lose money on it doesn't really make me want to exert any extra effort on my part. You obviously don't come here for our friendly staff and customer service. You come here because we will match a price. Our corporate policy dictates that you have all of the relevant info ready as we cannot match willy-nilly. I'd be willing to bet you don't wish to drive in traffic to the other side of town where this pharmacy is located, right? If you can't be bothered, then neither can I. The next time you try to pull this crap on me, I will simply transfer your prescription to them. You'll already be aware of the price.

1 comment:

  1. I really worry about the future of the human race.