If The Real World Worked. . .

CP: What a great day we are having today. 

UT: You know you're never supposed to say that. Just like you never say "it's awfully quiet/slow today" or "after I check this one I'm going to use the bathroom or eat". 

CP: Or say a patient's name in passing as it will magically speak them into existence. 

UT: Right. So why the optimism?

CP: I just figured we were overdue for someone to call us from an alternate reality. 

UT: And you just expect. . . 

<phone rings> 

CP: All yours. 

UT: Thank you phor calling CP's Crepuscular Pharmacy where we like to keep people in the dark. How may I help you phrustrate me?

Highly Illogical Sans Possession Of Common Knowledge: I was calling to see if you have [insert backordered drug-of-choice here] in stock. 

UT: We do not. 

HI SPOCK: Can you tell me why you don't carry it?

UT: First, that is the wrong question. 

HI SPOCK: What would be the correct question?

UT: Any of the following: Do you usually carry it? Are you out of stock at the moment? Is there a reason I can't find it anywhere? Any of these would be better than your choice of "Can you tell me why you don't carry it?" as your question implies an intentional hole in my inventory as opposed to a phorced one. 

HI SPOCK: Interesting. 

UT: I will, however, answer the question you posed. <ahem> 

CP: <mischievous grin>

UT: Do you have any gluten-free pancake mix or any asparagus in your kitchen at the moment? 

HI SPOCK: Um, no. And that's another question, not an answer. 

UT: Can you tell me why you don't carry these items in your kitchen?

HI SPOCK: I don't use them. I don't need GF products nor do I like asparagus. 

CP: <whispers> SATC funky spunk lol

UT: <shhhh> You don't stock them because you don't use them.

HI SPOCK: Correct. 

UT: And therein lies my answer to the question you asked. However, had you asked any of the other questions, I would have replied with "it's on manufacturer backorder at the moment so, whether I stock it, which means I USED to have it, or don't stock it, which means I never carry it, the answer is it is currently unobtainable. 

HI SPOCK: Thank you. Honestly. That is the best answer I have received from anyone. I wonder why no one else could explain it that well. 

UT: You kept asking the wrong question and we don't suffer fools, we post about our conversations with them. 

CP: We should start naming all of these product like a Marvel Metal - Uhnobtainium, abbreviation Uh-NO.

UT: Dorque.