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Wednesday, April 19, 2023

When Is My Job Finished?

CP: When are we actually done with our job?
ME: All of it? When the Rx is sold? 
MICE ELF: Once I sell it, our interaction is over. 
ME: Allowing for calls back with questions, etc. But I'm guessing that's not what you have in mind for us today? 
CP: Observant. It is not. I shall ask again, rewording this time. If you process a claim, and you are rewarded with a paid claim, is your job done?
ME: Of course. We bill the insurance as a courtesy to help finance the cost of the medication. 
MICE ELF: Yeah. Once the insurance replies with "yes, we accept the terms of our arrangement and hereby agree to pay our part (for now) as long as you charge the patient her $25.00 copay, our transaction can be considered concluded". 
CP: Verbosity. You definitely speak like an insurance company. But you are wrong.
ME and MICE ELF: WHAT?!
CP: Is there a cheaper manufacturer? A preferred NDC#? Just because you received a paid claim does not mean you get to celebrate yet.
ME: But that has always been the way. 
MICE ELF: Yeah. This is the way. 
CP: Alas, no longer. We have had multiple instances where we processed a claim, told the patient her copay and when she balked, instructed her to call the insurance. When she called us back, she bluntly explained we used the wrong manufacturer. 
ME: Wouldn't it make more sense for the insurance to simply deny the initial claim for "NDC not covered" than pay the claim at a higher copay? 
CP: One would think. But insurances are not in the business of making it easy for us or their patients. It's like finally getting the notification that the insurance company approved the provider's prior authorisation request, only to process the claim and discover there is a 90% copay for the patient now. Thanks for nothing. Now the patient is still mad at us because we are overcharging them. 
MICE ELF: And we continually get yelled at because we had a paid claim. How are we supposed to know which NDC is preferred? I miss the days when brand was no longer covered the day the generic entered the market. I miss all generic versions being covered by the insurance. 
CP: I miss the days when there were no insurances or PBMs and patients paid cash for everything. We need to move to the medical billing model. Patients pay an office copay before each visit. We accept their $25.00 copay up front and all of the billing takes place behind the scenes or after the fact. Pharmacies should have their own billing departments. 
ME: You are so wise.
CP: And don't get me started on "would it be cheaper with GoodRx or a discount card?". 
MICE ELF: It's not my job to figure out ways for me to lose money to you. 
ME: Could you imagine going to a business and telling them you don't like the price you are being charged and expecting THEM to help YOU pay for it? 
MICE ELF: Or to suggest a better, cheaper location. 
CP: You picked me. You don't have to come here, oh wait, damn PBMs. But once I get a paid claim, my work here is done. Transaction complete. Here's your receipt. 

Tuesday, April 18, 2023

Sam? Is That you?

(To Green Eggs And Ham)

I said no. I said no. No I said. 
That no-I-said! That no-I-said! I do not like that no-I-said

Is there a script ready for me?
There is no script that I can see
There is no script I have ready

Do you have one here or there?
I do not have one here or there
I do not have one anywhere
I do not have a script for you 
I do not like you, no-I-said

Did you get one on the phone?
Did you get one via drone?

I did not get one on the phone 
I did not get one via drone
I do not have one here or there
I do not have one anywhere
I do not have a script for you 
I do not like you, no-I-said

Mayhap received them on the fax?
Perhaps upon the telegraph?

Not on the fax, nor telegraph
Not on the phone, nor via drone
I do not have one here or there
I do not have one anywhere
I do not have a script for you 
I do not like you, no-I-said

Did you check the Code of Morse
Do check again, yes of course
Did check, no luck, Code of Morse

Oh do check them evermore, 
Maybe flags of semaphore?

They are not in a semaphore 
No Code of Morse no nevermore. 
I do not have them on the fax, 
I do not have on telegraph
I do not have them on the phone
I do not have them via drone
I do not have one here or there
I do not have one anywhere
I do not have a script for you 
I do not like you, no-I-said

E-Scripts! E-Scripts! E-Scripts! E-scripts!
Did you, would you, check e-scripts?

No E-scripts nor semaphore
No Code of Morse no nevermore
I do not have them on the fax, 
I do not have on telegraph
I do not have them on the phone
I do not have them via drone
I do not have one here or there
I do not have one anywhere
I do not have a script for you 
I do not like you, no-I-said

Eh? Voicemail? Yay voicemail?
Did you, could you, voicemail?

I did not could not, voicemail

Did you, could you, ASL?

I did not, could not, ASL
Not voicemail, not on e-scripts 
No Code of Morse no nevermore
Let me alone now, please, I implore
Not on the fax, nor telegraph
Not on the phone nor via drone
I do not have one here or there
I do not have one anywhere!

Have you checked the avian friends?
I have too checked them, no-I-said 

Maybe it was sent with raven
It was not sent with raven
Upon the leg of carry pigeon?
Not attached to carry pigeon

Did you, could you signal smoke?
Did not, could not signal smoke

Perhaps Pony Express's tote

No to Pony Express's tote, 
No to fire and signal smoke
I did not, could not, ASL
Not voicemail, not on e-scripts 
No Code of Morse, no nevermore
I do not have them on the fax
I do not have on telegraph
I do not have them on the phone
I do not have them via drone
I do not have one here or there
I do not have one anywhere!
There is no script that I can see
There is no script I have ready

You did not find them, so you say
Find them! Find them! yet you may
Please just check again, okay?

(checks again)

No. No script I that I can see
And still! I have no script ready
Not in Pony Express's tote
Nor in fire and signal smoke
And nothing signed with ASL
No voicemail  nor e-scripts
No Code of Morse no nevermore, 
I do not have them ask no more
I do not have them on the fax
I do not have on telegraph
I do not have them on the phone
I do not have them via drone
I do not have one here or there
I do not have one anywhere!
There's still no script that I can see
There's still no script I have ready

Can you check again?

Wednesday, April 12, 2023

Should I

CP: Welcome to CP's Palace of Potions. How may I help you?
Naturally Opining Makes Answers Subjective: I am here to pick up my prescription. 
CP: I have one prescription here for you. 
NO MAS: That is correct. 
CP: Treating a bird today, I see?
NO MAS: Huh?
CP: Thrush. 
NO MAS: Huh?
CP: Okay. That one missed. How about <sings horribly> "It's just, a little thrush?"
NO MAS: Yes. That's it. 
CP: Any questions today before I go over this with you?
NO MAS: Should I change my toothbrush?
CP: Great question. The answer is yes, and frequently until the infection clears, then you can continue with that one. 
NO MAS: But I don't want to replace it. 
CP: Ok. If it means that much to you, you can sterilize it. Either in mouthwash, or a baking soda or Hydrogen Peroxide solution. I'd do that until the infection clears, then replace it. 
NO MAS: I use expensive toothbrushes. 
CP: And how often do you change them?
NO MAS: Each season. So 3 times a year. 
CP: Which season do you skip? Do you change it every season, like winter, spring summer, or fall. . . 
UT: All you have to do is call. Sorry. 
CP: Or do you change it every 4 months?
NO MAS: I change it every 3 months. 
CP: When are you due to change it again? I change mine quarterly on the first of every third month so if you're like me. . . 
UT: I hope not. . . sorry. 
CP: . . . then you'd be due to change it now that it's almost April 1st. 
NO MAS: I'm supposed to change it this week. 
CP: Okay. You SHOULD change it. You CAN disinfect it. You are ABOUT to change it anyway. I'm not sure how much more I can help you. You either ARE going to change it; or you're not. You either need to, or you don't. 
NO MAS: <head starts twitching>
CP: Here's your troches. Slowly dissolve. Have a good day. <slowly backs from counter>
UT: Are you just going to leave her like that?
CP: Her head is twitching. She looks like a short-circuited fem-bot from Austin Powers. 
UT: Good thing you didn't ask her for her preferred pronunciation. 
CP: Tro-key. 
UT: I still think we should pronounce douche like that as well: Doo-Key.