CP: Thanks for calling CP's Pill Palace. This is CP, Paladin of Pills, how may I help you?
Worker Of Miracles Anxiously Needy: I need a dose of my Xarelto.
CP: I see you are out of refills. I can fax your doctor.
WOMAN: I'm out! Don't you know I have afib?
CP: Yes. Yes, I can infer such a diagnosis from the medication. And?
WOMAN: Well I need it.
CP: Were it so important to you, this afib diagnosis, you would have been more proactive, right?
WOMAN: I'm going to die.
CP: Eventually, yes. But, in the words of Syrio Forel, "not today". If you are that concerned, call your office. Or go to the ER.
WOMAN: It's Easter!
CP: Didn't stop you from calling me. Besides, your refill expired in December. We last refilled it in October for 3 months. How did you make a 3 month supply last 6 months?
WOMAN: I just took my last one last night.
CP: He is Indeed Risen! It's an Easter miracle. You made a 3 month supply last 6 months. Impressive. Do it again and you'll have enough for the weekend.
WOMAN: Well why didn't you call me?
CP: And say what?
WOMAN: To refill it.
CP: We probably did. Last year. When it was due. If you have a surplus of medication, I can't see that.
WOMAN: Well something's wrong here. What are you going to do?
CP: Repeat my earlier comment, a little firmer this time: Call your prescriber. They have answering services and on call prescribers for a reason.
<2 hours later>
CP: We just received your prescription. You may come to retrieve it at your earliest convenience. We are here until 3pm today.
<WOMAN comes in to pick up>
WOMAN: Am I on that courtesy refill thingy?
CP: Yes.
WOMAN: I still don't understand why you let me run out of medication.
CP: Well, simply put, we call when it's due. Which is usually about 10 days early on a 90 days supply. If you don't want it, don't need it, or don't pick it up, it goes back in stock and we wait to hear from you.
WOMAN: Well something is wrong here. I'm very scared.
CP: I'm sorry. What? You're scared? Of what?
WOMAN: That your system let me run out of medication.
CP: How is it that you made it to 75 years old? What did you do before pharmacies did everything except actually take your medications for you? Or anything else for that matter. Your car must constantly run out of gas and your refrigerator must always be empty since no one is there to tell you they need refilled.
WOMAN: I guess I'll have to go home and figure out what to do now.
CP: You do that. But make an appointment with the prescriber. They only approved a one month supply. Happy Easter!
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