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Monday, April 2, 2018

It's Not "Da Google"

CP: Thank you phor phoning CP's Drug Emporium where reality ceases and everyone's dreams go to die. How may I confound you today?
Yells About Phone System: I had a question. 
CP: Then what happened? Did it turn into something else? 
YAPS: No. I have a question. 
CP: Okay. That makes more sense. Go on. 
YAPS: I just called in a couple refills and the lady didn't tell me the prices. 
CP: Did you ask her?
YAPS: No. I forgot. 
CP: Well, that's on you then, isn't it? 
YAPS: Well I didn't have time to ask. She hung up on me. 
CP: Which tech was it? I shall tar and pheather her post haste!
YAPS: I just need the prices first. 
CP: Sure. What's your name? 
YAPS: I can't believe she didn't give me the option to ask the price. 
CP: And I'd have them phor you by now if I just had your name. 
CP: Okay. Phirst name? 
YAPS: Well I called in Metformin. 
CP: No. Your first name. 
YAPS: Then I entered the number for my generic Prilosec. 
CP: Okay. Still waiting phor your phirst name and this is going to be good. 
YAPS: Then the system hung up on me so I had to call back to get you. 
CP: Still waiting on that phirst name of yours. 
YAPS: Susie. As in Susie YAPS-a-Lot. 
CP: Got it. You called in to our automated refill line and the rude little, automated, lady hung up on you before you could ask the price, correct?
YAPS: Yes. 
CP: Perhaps you didn't answer her questions in a timely manner. You do show a tendency to not get to the point. 
YAPS: But I can't believe she didn't ask if I wanted the prices. I didn't get the chance to ask her. 
CP: You do know her name is not ALEXA, right? Nor SIRI? She's more like Santa Claus. He takes your requests but it's really up to someone else (the parents/pharmacists) to make the dream reality. 
YAPS: What's her name? 
CP: Really? Let's go with Betty. 
YAPS: So what are my prices?
CP: Phortunately for you, you talked so long that they're ready. Unfortunately, I accomplished nothing else. Your total will be $20.00. 
YAPS: When will they be ready? 
CP: I already said they're ready but you really need to be on a word limit. Someone needs to invent a twitter-fy button. Or at least a comprehension button. 

I can hear it now: "We are sorry but the party with whom you are communicating has activated the twitter-fy button. You have reached your word limit for this conversation. If you wish to converse further, please call back after choosing your words very carefully. Good day."

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