Facebook and Twitter

and follow my blog on Twitter @pharmacynic to receive notifications on new posts.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Patient Logic

Patient and, for that matter, general public logic seem rather irrational. There is no way to explain what happens inside the brain of an individual patient or an hysterical group of fanatics (see the people who managed to get Trump AND Clinton to the POTUS Finals...)
But I digress.

CP: Welcome to Pee Wee's Playhouse. How may we help you today?
Always Complaining Never Ebullient: I need to know if you have this medication in stock.
CP: I am certain we do but shall check it doubly.
ACNE: Mmm-hmm.
CP: My brain, like the North, remembers. We do have it.
ACNE: Good. I shall wait for it.
CP: Okay. It'll be about 7 to 11 minutes.
ACNE: Wow. That quick?
CP: We are quite efficient here.
ACNE: I was just at your other location. I don't know why I keep going there. This is the seventh month in a row they haven't had my medication in stock. And they told me it'd be 45 minutes to get it ready. When I got back up to the counter, they told me they didn't even have it.
CP: Which brings you here. Welcome! We always stock this particular medication and strength for we have many people on it.
ACNE: They said it wasn't that common.
CP: Well it isn't if you don't stock it. We happen to always have it which may be why it is more common to us. Though it is surprising with them only 6 minutes down yonder to not see it nearly as frequently. Have you considered transferring here?
ACNE: What? No. I live halfway between the stores but they're so much more convenient.
CP: Uh-huh. I don't follow.
ACNE: They have a drive-thru so I can drop off without putting on pants to go inside.
CP: Lucky ladies.
ACNE: Then I can swing back by and pick it up without getting out of my car.
CP: Very convenient.
ACNE: Plus their pharmacy is on the side and not in the back so when I do decide to go inside, I don't have to walk as far.
CP: With pants...Sounds like a well-planned location. Everything seems perfect and convenient except one thing.
ACNE: What's that?
CP: They don't ever have your medication in stock. You have to drive to that pharmacy, drop off your prescription, then discover they are out of it. THEN you leave there, drive past your house in the opposite direction "to the Chelsea drug store to get your prescription filled" because we do have it. Sound about right?
ACNE: Yes. But I don't like coming here.
CP: Praytell...
ACNE: You're not convenient.
CP: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Try this definition: "Fitting in well with a person's needs, activities, and plans".
ACNE: See, right there, this is why I don't come here.
CP: Other than every month to get this prescription only we carry.
ACNE: Right. What?
CP: Don't let your incredulity keep you from calling our 1-800# and telling them how awesome we are. In-stock issues are actually a measurable metric for our bonuses. But make sure you tell them the other store is always out of stock.
ACNE: Nah. I don't call on those. Unless they give me something, I'd rather complain to you about it.
CP: I see. Yet here we are, just a boy, staring at a pharmacist, hoping to get the other store to like him and carry what he needs.
ACNE: You're weird and I couldn't even keep up with your references today.
CP: Thanks. But your prescription is now ready. See you next month.

No comments:

Post a Comment