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Thursday, July 19, 2018

In Fiduciary I Trust

At least, that's the motto by which they live, right? It's a trustee-beneficiary relationship. 
The beneficiary is trusting the trustee to make sound decisions on her behalf, right? 
Sitting in a prescriber's office, minding my own, when the conversation piqued my interest. (Couldn't help it. She was really quite loud for the quiet space.) 

Fiduciary Lady Opining: I'm your fiduciary. You know what that is? 
Recipient Of FLOs Largesse: No. 
FLO: I make your decisions for you and you trust me. 
ROFL: Ok. That makes sense. 
FLO: I look out for your best interests. 
ROFL: Ok. That's good. 
FLO: You're getting your shots today. 
ROFL: Hooray. Which ones?
FLO: Tetanus, Meningococcal, and . . . wait. Not this one. 
ROFL: Why not? 
FLO: It's HPV. 
ROFL: What's that? 
FLO: A sex disease. It was made for girls. 
ROFL: Uh-huh. 
FLO: For people with vaginas! You don't have a vagina, do you? 
ROFL: HaHa, no. 
FLO: Then you don't need this. They decided they needed more money so they said boys had to have it now too. 
ROFL: But I don't have a vagina. 
FLO: Which is why you're not getting this one. 
Poor Nurse: The doctor will be in shortly. 
FLO: He's not getting the HPV shot. 
PN: No problem. 
FLO: What's the name of it? 
(There was a conversation that went on for 3 minutes as they tried to figure it out and I couldn't take it anymore.) 
PN: Thank you. 
FLO: What's this pertussis? I thought he was getting tetanus? 
PN: It's whooping cough. 
FLO: He's not coughing. 
PN: And we'd like to keep it that way. 
<PN leaves>
CP: Psst. 
FLO: Yes? 
CP: I'm talking to your boy too. 
ROFL: What? 
CP: Are you attached to your penis? 
FLO: What? 
ROFL: What? 
CP: How'd ya like warts on your naughty bits? 
<They both cringe>
CP: <holds out phone after googling "genital warts"> Here's what you can look forward to without the vaccine. Have a nice day!
PN: You can come back now, CP. 
CP: Thanks. I think you're going to give that HPV vaccine now. 
PN: Yes. You really need to stop doing that. 
CP: If people are going to loudly announce they're responsible for making decisions for their ward, the least they could do is ask questions in order to make INFORMED decisions instead of propagating IGNORANCE. I'd have no problem with her refusal had it been based on anything other than uninformed, empty rhetoric. 

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