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Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Just Because You Can . . .

I do not let people bully me. That's what it is, bullying.
People believe they can get away with anything when it comes to retail transactions. Partly it's due to our disconnected society. We don't have to interact with people face-to-face to complete most of today's transactions. We order everything online from Amazon. We receive automated reminders from the pharmacy, the dentist, the doctor. We receive tonight's dinner, ready to cook, from Blue Apron or Sun Basket. We text each other. We email. We stare at our phones while sharing dinner together. 
When we are called upon to actually converse and have a tete-a-tete, we don't know how to interact and exhibit socially agreeable behaviour. 

If a patient becomes confrontational, I shall intervene. I have no problem inviting them to never return. Go sell crazy some place else. 
It sounds as if this is not going to be phunny, but I love turning things around on my boss. 
I love looking at things from a standing-on-my-head perspective. 

CP's Boss (Her Royal Highness): I see you gathered another complaint. 
CP: <Proudly Puffs Out Chest> I did. I'm on a roll. 
HRH: You're not supposed to be collecting them. 
CP: Why not? Some people collect penguins. Some collect Star Wars memorabilia. I prefer to dabble in chaos. Complaints are my phriends. 
HRH: How so? They are a negative reflection on your attitude. 
CP: <whispers> Says the boss who doesn't deal with the public. 
HRH: What's that? 
CP: Nothing. Just admiring your dedication to keeping me on the straight-and-narrow even though you couldn't do my job which is why you got promoted. 
HRH: Just because you can do, or in this case, say something, doesn't mean you should. 
CP: Why not? People are too easily offended. Your perfume offends me. Your garish hairstyle offends me. Patients who yell and scream and throw temper tantrums like 2 year olds offend me. Unfortunately, I have to deal with all of them today on top of making sure I meet your quotas and that little professional expectation of not killing people. 
HRH: Complaints are not healthy. 
CP: Wrong. You have to know how to read them. Like news and studies on the internet or in journals, you have to know HOW to read and interpret them. They are not all the same. You paint me with a broad brush and believe I am a bitch based solely on my complaints. I will not allow any patient or boss or visitor to my store to belittle me or my staff. Period. I will stand up for everyone here. I do not have to take abuse. If I wanted that, I'd sign back up for that S&M class I dropped out of right after college. 
HRH: Um. . . This is why I only visit here for short periods of time on a rather infrequent basis. 
CP: Anything else before you shake babies and kiss hands and play your exit song on the way out the door? 
HRH: Cuts in hours will be coming soon. We will also reduce your overlap by half so be prepared to do more work with less help. 
CP: I'm thinking "no" on that one. 
HRH: <head swivels around violently, cracking> What did you say? 
CP: I. Said. No. To quote a phairly self-phamous person, "Just because I CAN does not mean I should". So, no. I will not be doing extra work just because you think I can.
HRH: How do you still have a job?
CP: Because people love me. I get everything done, despite your greatest efforts to thwart me, and I still do it all with a cryptic smile on my face.
HRH: Yeah. It's creepy. I've never been able to figure out how you do that.
CP: Practice. And despite the cynical attitude I have towards the profession, I love what I do. 

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