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Monday, January 25, 2016

Because...Beer Remembers

Why is American Beer like making love in a canoe?
They're both fucking close to water. 

I developed this business idea. My goal is to start small, then grow the business in every Pharmacy College town...and towns that have liquor establishments. Here's the idea:

After the weekend parties, I will have college students collect all the empty beer bottles and cans from all the fraternities and sororities on campus. They will bring them to my labrewery. 
Each bottle will be filled with water. 
Each bottle will be emptied into a large vat. 
Each bottle will again be filled. Then dumped. 
This will occur 11 times. 
After the vat has been filled, the contents will be slowly swirled. 
The next step in the process will be packaging. 
The vat will be emptied into individual bottles for distribution and sale. 
Initially I expect to use 30 ml bottles with droppers. 
The bottles will then be labeled and priced for retail sale at our store/pharmacy and on campuses and in bars across the country. 

Directions for use will appear on the label as follows:
"For prevention of intoxication, place 1 dropperful (1ml) under tongue once a day."
"Additionally, to prevent hangover from a night of binge drinking, take 5ml (5 droppers full) at least 2 hours before imbibing."

How it works...
Beer Homeopathy works as follows: Water has a memory. Beer is made of water. Therefore, beer has memory. By introducing minute, infinitesimally small, untraceable, immeasurable amounts of beer to your system on a daily basis, you can prevent hangovers and drunkenness from ruining your next party. 

1 comment:

  1. This reminds me of a post from xkcd, https://what-if.xkcd.com/74/
    Do you think the water remembers being inside a dinosaur? ;)