CPP: What was the silliest thing asked of you last week?
CP: I'll answer first then everyone else can have a turn.
CPP: It's your page.
CP: This off-the-wall conversation:
Persistently Interrupting Staff Seeking Offers For Fills: <on a walkabout passing the pharmacy windows> Do you carry Percocet?
CP: <doesn't look up, whispers to UT> did you hear something?
UT: yes. trying to not make eye contact
PISSOFF: Hello?
CP: Rude much?
PISSOFF: Huh?
CP: You didn't bother to get the attention of either of us prior to shouting a random question into the ether about a narcotic product. Care to try again now that you have disturbed us and have gained some of our attention?
PISSOFF: Yeah. Do you have Percocet?
CP: Mayhap I do. Strength?
PISSOFF: 5ng
CP: I have some in stock.
PISSOFF: My current pharmacy is out of it and I'm looking for more.
UT: <whispering> no red flags on you, sir. nope, none at all.
CP: <snickers> You don't say. It is on backorder so there are known supply issues.
PISSOFF: How much will it be?
CP: Probably what you have been paying. Based on the less-than-the-minimum-required-to-answer-that-question, I'd say more than a nickel, less than a share of Pfizer stock.
UT: Why does "nickel" sound so weird?
CP: <shrugs> right?
PISSOFF: Well I take 15 medications. If I transfer them all here, how much of a discount will you give me on the Percocet?
CP: Less than nothing.
PISSOFF: But that's a lot of prescriptions; anyone would love to have them. Can't you offer me a deal?
CP: Hard no. That's a pass phrom me. This isn't a bundle business. We are not Progressive or Spectrum or a Streaming service. There's no discount for getting them all together. I have a sneaky feeling you'd also not be compliant on the other 14 medications and would cause me a ton of problems. I can afford to be selective in the headaches I take on and yours is not one I wish to undertake.
PISSOFF: <still wandering aimlessly in front of the Rx counters> Huh? No deal?
CP: As sad as it has become, this is still a profession. I have some integrity and dignity left and, while your offer of 15 prescriptions sounds enticing, the baggage included is a lot to unpack and my back hurts phrom carrying this profession as it is so that's a no.
PISSOFF: <still meandering distractedly as if standing in one place will result in him being hit by space debris> I'll check around and see what I can find.
CP: You do that. And piss off.
CPP: Wow. Monty Hall Redux, huh?
UT: No one under 40 will get that.
CP: <shrugs> They have the internet. They'll find some cool videos of better times.
