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Monday, November 18, 2013

Pick a Name

Pick a name. Any name. But be consistent. If your given name is Richard Douglas and you prefer to go by Dick, please make everyone aware. This includes your doctor and your pharmacy. If your doctor has you listed as Ricky and the pharmacy has you listed as Dougie, do not blame us if we can never find you in the computer.
Women are by far the worst. "My name is Cynthia with a C, but I go by Sindy with an S around my friends and at businesses that have a silent P in them. Also, my last name is hyphenated. It's Jones-Smith-Watson. I've had my doctor since I was single so he only knows me as Jones. Professionally I go by Watson, but the pharmacy has to have all 3 since that's what my insurance has on file and the IRS needs them all too."

Seriously. Do not get mad at me because you cannot commit to a name. If you don't know who you are, then I shouldn't be expected to know either. We have enough trouble matching dates of birth with insurance companies and deciphering the hieroglyphics that doctors pass off as prescriptions without worrying if we have the correct patient.

Also, do not get mad at me if i don't know how to pronounce your name.
CP: What's the name?
Angry Customer: Smith
CP: I have one here for "Kate" Smith?
AC: It's pronounced "Yolanda"!
CP: What? It's spelled Kate. Should rhyme with Gate.
AC: My mom gave me this beautiful name and you people can't get it right. I hate you. I want a gift card for this heinous insult. You can't even pronounce a simple name.
CP: Please go away. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

(Yes. All of these cases happened. Names have been changed because, well, even if they weren't no one would know the difference.)


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    1. Especially when I think that I DID find their correct profile, based on bits and hints in the 8 to 10 profiles entered at various chain locations, and have wasted the time to find the most recently used - with the most matching the details. Remember that one? Purchased at our store three blocks down last week? The Alprazolam, sold for cash, under your maiden name Yolinda Marie Smith? Is that the profile that I should have used? Or could it be the Maria Y Smith-Mylanonly-Bayer under which Aetna paid for your Clonazapam at our store location in the next state over three weeks ago? Ohhhhh, - old address, my error, LET ME MERGE the information. So, it's THIS one under Mary Y Bayer - for your dibeetus pills that Medicaid covered HERE last month? That profile? Of course. Let's see now......