Christmas Carols

Jingle Bells

scriptions I must count

patients want them now 

questions they all shout

phones are ringing too 

bathroom's over there

you'll find shoelaces too 

we're so busy now

just leave us alone

counting pills, counting pills

counting all the way

once I fill up your Rx 

I'll stop counting pills, hey

counting pills, counting pills 

I'm still counting pills 

five by five I'm counting pills 

I wish they'd go away, hey

another script I have

to count again by fives

they think we're all just bums

out here saving lives

doctor cannot spell 

math here is not right 

pharmacist is still 

slaying it tonight 

counting pills, counting pills

counting all the way

once I fill up your Rx 

I'll stop counting pills, hey

counting pills, counting pills 

I'm still counting pills 

five by five I'm counting pills 

I wish they'd go away, hey

Pet Peeve of the Week #2

CPP: What pet peeve set your hackles aquiver most recently?

CP: The number of people this week who asked "why did my doctor prescribe that for me" is too damn high!

CPP: For the uninitiated, this is where I play Devil's Advocate, to prove we thought of the boring reasons patients are asking this question. 

CP: Right. There's a difference between "what is this for?" and the following indictments of annoyingly obtuse offenders. 

CPP: Shall oui?

CP: Lettuce. 

Uber-Tech: Is this Mr. VEM?

Better Off Forgetting About Various Electronic Medications: Uh-huh. 

UT: We received a couple new prescriptions from Dr. Zoffis today and we have to order them for tomorrow. Also, I wanted to give you the prices before we order them. 

BOFA VEM: I didn't ask for any medications. 

UT: Well your Dr. Zoffis apparently thought you needed them.

BOFA VEM: What are they for?

UT: Did you see your provider today?

BOFA VEM: Yes. 

UT: Did you just randomly bump into him on the street? Or did you schedule an official appointment for a particular illness/reason?

BOFA VEM: I did. 

UT: Did you discuss these issues with your provider? 

BOFA VEM: Yes. We discussed both of them. 

UT: And. . . what was the result of your discussion?

BOFA VEM: <shrugs, even though this is a phone call, I can feel it> I don't remember. 

UT: You had a problem. 

BOFA VEM: Or two. 

UT: And scheduled an appointment with your provider. 

BOFA VEM: Uh-huh. 

UT: To hopefully run some tests or give you, I don't, maybe medications to improve your symptoms?

BOFA VEM: I guess. 

UT: Yet you are surprised to hear from me. Me, telling you you have a prescription and acting put out by my call. 

CP: I truly wonder what happens during these visits. It used to be so simple, formulaic even. Get sick. Go to Doctor. Get a prescription. Go to pharmacy. Trade paper prescription order for actual prescription medication. Take medication, get better. Now it's so convoluted people don't even know why or when or even IF they went to the doctor within the hour, let alone any day this week. 

UT: It's amazing how many of these calls I make every day and people are surprised we have something for them. 

CPP: Maybe they're used to Chronic Vaginal Secretions not calling them for weeks since they are so far behind that the patients can't comprehend how we can contact them while they are still in the office! 

UT: That's always great. You get them on the phone and they say "I didn't know anything about that" and you find out they are literally still in the room with the provider. ASK! How did you not just hear her say "I'm prescribing you THIS!"????

CP: And how many days will that prescription sit in our waiting bin because they forgot they went to the prescriber earlier in the week. 

CPP: Yeah, that's the other one that gets me: how did you forget you were at the doctor on Tuesday? 

UT: Especially when it's a specialist! You had to have made that dermatologist appointment months ago. How can you forget you went two days ago? 

CP: As the saying goes: "The best thing about being dead is that you don't know about it. It's like being stupid - it's only painful for others.”

Climate Change Is Real

CP: I challenge you that climate change is real. 

ME: Yeah. We know. 

MICE ELF: How is this relevant to #Pharmacy?

CP: I'm talking on a smaller, yet global scale. 

ME: Again, we know. What of it?

CP: I posit that climate change exists, in microclimates, in every pharmacy and retail outlet in the world!

MICE ELF: <best Goody impression> Settle down. 

ME: <resigned exasperation> I'll entertain it. 

MICE ELF: Let's hear it. 

CP: There exists, at every pharmacy counter, a microclimate that negatively affects all humans who enter or even approach it. 

ME: How do you mean?

CP: Ever notice how, before you can see or acknowledge a person at a pharmacy window, the weather affects them?

MICE ELF: Like how?

CP: Like just by getting within the area of the drop off or pickup window, all patients seem to manifest the same side effects. Our counters should come with warnings: Danger! Achtung! Warning! Approaching the pharmacy counter has been shown, anecdotally, to cause a dry, scratchy throat, sudden coughing, sniffling, instant urge to clear throat, loss of decorum, and an inexplicable loss of dexterity and motor control rendering patients unable to hold on to their keys or to place them gently on a countertop. 

ME: <laughs at "inexplicable loss of dexterity"> 

MICE ELF: I've had the same thoughts. 

CP: I almost want to go back to school to study Sociology. My thesis would focus on people behaving differently from the time they park, to the time they near a retail building, to the time they enter the outer doors, to their standing at one of the windows, waiting for another human with whom to interact. 

ME: Like, are they coughing in the parking lot? or as they cross the threshold of the store? or once they abruptly halt their momentum at the counter? 

MICE ELF: Right?! And is this common among pharmacy shoppers only? Is this only in my neighbourhood? nationwide? globally? 

ME: We are humans. Humans do human things. Behaving poorly in public is universal. 

CP: We already established what I do when people knock on my counter. 

ME and MICE ELF: "IT'S NOT A DOOR!"

CP: I think the next time they cough or clear their throat, I should reply with: "Are you dropping off? Or do you just have a question about that cough and mucous you just ingested in front of everyone?"

ME: What about when they drop their keys? 

CP: We sell wrist braces in Aisle 13 so you can grip those keys as well as purses and pants with pockets for you to place the keys so as not to lose them or forget them on counters. 

MICE ELF: Not bad. Better than "you must be a janitor; sounds like you dropped a whole school's-worth of keys on my counter". 

ME: Idiots. Both of you. 

CP: How about #CoughMedicineIsInAisle13?

MICE ELF: I so want to take this class now.