CP: Welcome to CP's Phunhouse. How may I help you?
Pissed Off Old Person Yelling He's Expecting A Deal: I need my medication.
CP: Okay. I have it here.
POOPYHEAD: And I'm irritated with you.
CP: Let's go back to the intro. . . Welcome to Thunderdome!
POOPYHEAD: <confused look>
CP: Okay. Now I'm ready.
POOPYHEAD: You need to stop sending texts to my wife.
CP: I do not text your wife; nor would I.
POOPYHEAD: What? No. From here. It's none of her business about my prescriptions. In fact it's no one's business but mine.
CP: Sure thing. Did you sign up for the courtesy refill program?
POOPYHEAD: I don't want any texts from you.
CP: Not the question I asked, but let's roll with it. Let me check your profile.
POOPYHEAD: Stop calling me.
CP: In the balladic words of Guns N' Roses. . . All we need is just a little patience. Now hush while I do my thing.
CP: What phone number should I have on file for you?
POOPYHEAD: <recites wife's phone number>
CP: Ok. That IS the number we have for you. Should I have another number listed?
POOPYHEAD: NO! That's my main number.
CP: Just to be clear. You want no communications to go from us to your wife?
POOPYHEAD: I SAID THAT!
CP: Yet you want us to keep her phone number on file as your primary contact phone?
CP: And if I remove you from all automatic texts, alerts, notifications, and calls, I still have to have a number on file to contact in case of any issues filling your prescriptions.
POOPYHEAD: Whatever. Just don't call my wife.
CP: The wife whose number you still want listed as primary phone number?
CP: Is there, maybe, another number you'd like listed? Like, I don't know, your own personal cell#?
POOPYHEAD: There is.
CP: Should I enter that instead? I'm just throwing it out there that you want no notifications sent to your wife, but you insist hers be the only number on your file. I am not sure how to comply with that. It's like you wanting a vegan menu, but all dishes must include bacon.
POOPYHEAD: Phine. Enter mine. But don't text me. It no one's business but mine.
CP: I'm afraid to ask who answers your phone calls.