(Another) Conversation with myself...
Me: I want all my medications filled at the same time.
CP: And I want the Olive Garden Never-Ending Pasta Bowl to be available as takeout.
Me: So you're saying you can't do it?
CP: No. I am saying I'm hungry and they should feed me whenever I feel like eating, for free.
Me: Again. What's this have to do with my monthly refills?
CP: Nada. But I will need a few concessions from you in order to fulfill that obligation.
Me: Can do.
CP: Repeat after me. "I...state your name..."
Me: "I...state your name..."
CP: Funny. Anyway...I promise to never ever miss a dose of any of my medications. I promise to never miss a doctor's appointment. I promise to never ever get sicker, or better for that matter, and necessitate a change in my medication regimen. I promise to always take my medication exactly as prescribed, including reading the labels before taking each dose. I promise to always call or visit my doctor when there are 7 pills remaining in my bottle. I promise to make my doctor always prescribe the same quantity for all of my medications so they will all come due at the same time. I promise to make sure he writes for the same number of refills on everything to ensure I only have to see him once for everything too. I promise if I expect this of you, I should expect the same of the person who actually writes them. I promise I will never hold you accountable for "loaning me a few to get me through the weekend" if catastrophic circumstances arise and I am unable to meet any of the above-mentioned obligations. I promise that all travel plans I make shall go through you and my travel agent simultaneously so I know when to get my refills to properly prepare for my trips. I promise to call my own insurance company to request any prior authorizations. I shall also make note of when these authorizations expire and proactively request them in time for next year's refills so I do not lapse in therapy. I am committed fully to my own health and well-being. I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me.
Me: Amen. Anything else?
CP: You promise to give me 2 days to get them all ready for you. You promise to call to get a copay total so if something is unexpectedly high, you will call your insurance to sort it out before coming to get them. You promise to pick them up at off-peak hours.
Me: That it?
CP: I think so. I'm sure someone else will have an addition or two. But this is a good start...