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Thursday, August 18, 2016


A mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing:

CP: How may I help you today, kind sir?
Creepy Old Dude Giving Ejaculatory Responses: I need your help.
CP: In what capacity?
CODGER: I need a little pick-me-up.
CP: You're depressed?
CP: Narcoleptic? Always dozing at the bingo hall?
CODGER: No. I need a lift.
CP: You...want me to call a cab?
CODGER: No. It's not hard!
CP: Actually it is. You could just come right out with it.
CODGER: That's the problem. It won't come out.
CP: What?
CODGER: My pencil.
CP: And you're at the pharmacy for...?
CODGER: I need lead in my pencil.
CP: Oh. Okay. I think I got it now. Follow me.
<walks out to the back-to-school section>
Here you go.
CODGER: What's this?
CP: Lead. For your mechanical pencil. Do you need the 0.5mm or the 0.7mm?
CODGER: I need an erection.
CP: Oh. Why didn't you just say so? Here.
CODGER: What's this, now?
CP: Since we're in the school aisle, I thought it convenient to hand you duct tape and some tongue depressors. Think splint. Anything else I can help you find?
CODGER: Headache medicine.
CP: Isn't your wife supposed to give you that excuse?

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