Is That Long For Something?

Names. I've done rants before about names and how they affect profiles. 

Hyphenated names? Hate them. 

Father-Son with the same name? Expect problems. 

Mother-Daughter with the same name? Ditto. 

Twins named Lynn and Lyn? #STFU

Triplets named Sean, Shaun, and Shawn? #GTFO

As complicated as the patients like to make our lives, and thereby their own, sometimes you just can't help some people. The following example will illustrate how it's not always the phault of the patients. 

Fade In. Monday. Bright Pharmacy Lights. (Imagine the sound of Law & Order with a Dunh-Dunh.)

The set up: Pharmacy sends refill request to prescriber. 

Prescriber returns faxed request with the following note: 

"Not. Our. Patient."

CP: Hello? Mr. Guy? 

LTCG: Yes. Speaking. 

CP: I am calling today to notify you that your prescriber denied your refill request. 

LTCG: What? Why? 

CP: Well, someone at the office scrawled across the top: "Not our patient". 

LTCG: What? I've been a patient there since they opened that office. Are you calling the correct place? 

CP: Yes. Perhaps you should call them. 

LTCG: I will. <click> 

Tuesday. (Dunh-Dunh)

LTCG: I spoke with the office. They said they haven't received anything from you. 

CP: Phunny. 

LTCG: They gave me another phax number to try. 

CP: Okay. Let's have it. I shall try this one. Did you ask them to take the refill request over the phone? 

LTCG: They said they require a phax. 

CP: If I am to understand, you had the office on the phone. To refill a prescription. That is yours. With them. We are too incompetent to send a phax correctly, yet they and you are dependent upon me to accomplish this? 

LTCG: Essentially. 

Wednesday. (Dunh-Dunh)

A new phax arrives: "NOT. OUR. PATIENT"

CP: Guess what? 

LTCG: What? 

CP: Chicken Butt. 

LTCG: Again? 

CP: Yep. 

LTCG: You need to call them. 

CP: I will. If for no reason other than I cannot wait to see how this one ends. 

Thursday (DUNH-DUNH!)

Dr. Zoffis: Allo?

CP: Hi. We have been trying to get a refill authorization from your office for our mutual patient. We have sent phaxes to you on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, per your requirement. To his credit, Mr. LTCG has phoned your office on these days as well. Each of our requests has been returned with the following note: Not Our Patient. Can you explain how this could be? 

DZ: Yes. (and I quote) "You sent us a refill request for a Lawrence The Cable Guy, DOB 2/17/63. We have a LARRY The Cable Guy, DOB 2/17/63 but NOT a Lawrence." 

CP: Okay. Can you hold while I slam the phone into my phorehead a few times before returning to make phun of you and your staff? 

DZ: Sure. 

<CP slams phone into phorehead>

CP: Do you have any Tom's or Tommy's there? Perhaps a Thomas? Joe? Joseph? Joey? Jen or Jennifer or Jenny? Mike or Michael? Ooh Ooh..How about a Jon or John or Johnathan? You had the patient's name. The DOB. The address. The phone number. They all matched. You have officially lowered the bar on stupidity's expectations. No. You grabbed the bar, dug a hole, threw the bar into the hole, then jumped on it. Criminals taking selfies at the crime scene then posting them on social media are laughing at you right now.