Help Equals Assistance ...

... It Is Not The Same As Me Doing Everything For You.

(A real conversation from a real pharmacy.)

The Oxford English Dictionary defines Assistance as: noun - "the action of helping someone by sharing work".

Every day we bemoan the issue of patients no longer helping themselves. My interest in their health is directly proportionate to the amount of interest they have in it.

CP: How may I help you today?
Where's My Mommy: I called in for my refill?
CP: That's a question.
WMM: I need to pick it up?
CP: Still a question. But let's roll with it. What's the name?
WMM: My name?
CP: You just can't help yourself, can you? Yes. Your name. If the prescription is for you.
WMM: WMM.
CP: Finally, a statement! I do not have anything here ready for pickup.
WMM: Um. I called it in the other day.
CP: Allow me to research. I see here that you did phone on Thursday last at which time we told you there were no refills. We faxed and rang the prescriber that day, Monday, and Wednesday. So far she has not responded to our requests for refills. As of this morning we deleted the requests after leaving you a message that you should attempt to call her yourself.
WMM: What should I do now?
CP: Perrrrrrrrhaps you should call her yourself.
WMM: Would it help if you sent it again?
CP: Back to questions again. No. It would not help. We contact the office every other day for a total of 3 attempts. If those are unsuccessful, we put the ball back in your court. After a week of trying to reach her ourselves, I can say that no, it would not be helpful for us to contact them. It would, however, help if you called them.
WMM: Okay. Can you resend it?
CP: I can. I won't, but I can. Someone needs a swift kick out of the nest.
WMM: Oh. Ok.
CP: You fly back to school now little Starling. Fly, fly, fly. Fly, fly, fly.