Backup

There are snobs in every profession and business. I'm not talking about the businesses themselves, mind you. I'm talking about the customers patronizing the businesses. Coffee snobs come readily to mind. Are there really pharmacy snobs? I'm not talking about people preferring the CaVS to the Wu-tAnG Clan. That's like comparing McDonald's to Wendy's. I'm talking about preferring mail order to your average retail location. Most patients with whom I discuss mail order hate it. It's mostly the idea that they are forced to use a non-local pharmacy and may have to wait weeks for their refills. What I really hate most about the whole situation is being a #BackupBitch. I'm not good enough for you to leave your wife so I'm only good when it's convenient for you. I don't think so. Treat me like a side piece and I'll treat you the same way.

What started this rant, CP? 

Years of experience, followed by this woman. 

Mail Order Sister Sassing That We Are Terrible: I'm here to pick up my prescription. 

CP: I see that we received a phone in from your prescriber about 30 minutes ago. 

MOSS TWAT: That's right. 

CP: There was a problem with it because mail order just filled it yesterday. We had to call the insurance to get the override so they would pay for it. We just finished that call and actually left you a message at home. 

MOSS TWAT: I'm not at home. 

CP: I can see that. The message we left was to tell you that we do not have your medication in stock. 

MOSS TWAT: Why the hell not? This is a pharmacy, right? 

CP: Pretty sure. I'd have to walk out front and read the sign to be certain but, judging by the drugs behind me, I'd surmise we are, indeed, in some type of dispensary. Yes. 

MOSS TWAT: This is why I don't use this pharmacy. You never have what I need. 

CP: Are you out of medication? 

MOSS TWAT: Duh! That's why I'm here. 

CP: Okay. For the phans playing along at home who don't know how this works, can I take a second to sum this up for them? 

MOSS TWAT: Will it fill my prescription faster? 

CP: No. But they'll understand that my phrustrations with you are justified. Anyway, you ran out of medication. You use mail order pharmacy exclusively, as you've iterated a few times already. You called in your refill too late and now, since it will take days to get here, I have been selected to be your fallback plan. Not only that, but you have not been to our pharmacy in over 3 years. If you were one of my regular patients, I would carry your medication. However, as the only person I've ever seen receive this medication and strength in the Tri-County area over my career, it is unlikely you will find this sooner than my promise time of tomorrow morning. Not only that, but my promise time of TOMORROW is still weeks faster than your mail order's promise time. Sound about right? 

MOSS TWAT: This is ridiculous. I have this problem every time I come here. 

CP: And I thank you for your frequent business of once every 45 months. You do realise how insanely bitchy you are being, right? I am your backup plan. I am not your first choice. You choose to not do regular business with me, yet you expect me to cater to you all while accepting your verbal abuse and loud tirades against my pharmacy? I would rather "forget" to order your medication, have you file a pissed off complaint against me tomorrow and never ever set foot in my pharmacy again, then bend over and help you out of your self-induced situation, you thankless twat. It's like getting mad at your boyfriend because your husband asked for a divorce because you're cheating on him.
MOSS TWAT: So you said this will be here tomorrow?
CP: Thanks for paying attention. I did say that.
MOSS TWAT: Good. I'll be here tomorrow.
CP: Hopefully you lose a few pounds between now and then.
MOSS TWAT: What?
CP: That giant chip on your shoulder. Maybe not being under its weight will allow you to thank me for being nice and helping you.
#DontPhuckWithYourPillPusher