Mind Your Letters

Sometimes even the most mundane arguments, nay, discussions, with patients can provide us with a humorous bon mot.

Uber-Tech: <what the patients must hear> How may I help frustrate you today?
Pt: I need to get a prescription refilled.
UT: Certainly. Which one do you need?
Pt: I don't know the name, but it starts with a "P".
UT: All of your "P" medications are too soon to fill.
Pt: <Huffy> No they're not. I know I need it. It's for my stomach or something.
UT: Uh-huh. Protonix is too soon. We just filled it last week. Could it be some other medication?
Pt: <phully phrustrated> No. It starts with a "P". Just fill it.
UT: Ooooorrrrrr. You could go home, find the bottle that is in a state most empty and tell me the number so we may process the correct medication you actually need.
Pt: <mumbling> This is why I hate coming here. You never know what I need.

15 minutes later

CP: CP's Prescription Emporium, you irritate, we medicate. How may I help you?
Pt: I was just in there trying to get my refill.
CP: Yep. I remember. Gave UT a rather difficult time about your "P" medication refill.
Pt: Yeah. Sorry. About that ... I was wrong.
CP: No shit, Sherlock. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Did you find your bottle?
Pt: Yes. It turns out it's my "F" medication. Here's the number.
CP: I see it here: Finasteride. An area a little lower than your stomach.
Pt: Yeah. "I got my "P's" and "F's" confused.
CP: Well, like some people's minds, a "P" is just a closed "F". See you again soon.

Recounting the conversation

UT: What did he say?
CP: He got his "P's" and "F's" confused.
UT: And parts of the body. I always thought you were supposed to mind your "P's" and "Q's".
CP: Yeah. There's a big difference between telling someone to go "F" himself and to go "P" himself.
UT: <Falls on floor>