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Tuesday, May 2, 2017

It's Not Me, It's You

Early candidate for Quote of the Week:

This One's Outta Line: "Why didn't you call me to tell me you were putting it back?"

CP: How may I help you today?
TOOL: I'm here to pick up my prescription.
CP: I see. I see. What's the name?
TOOL: TOOL. Sr.
CP: Got it. Giant TOOL. Now I know why I remember that name. We returned this to stock yesterday.
TOOL: What? Why? I need it right now!
CP: Of course you do. It's a bedtime medication and it's 10am and I know you don't work nights but allow me to research this.
TOOL: I need it right now! This is ridiculous.
CP: You took the words right out of my mouth.
TOOL: "Why didn't you call me to tell me you were putting it back?!"
CP: <pregnant pause with a slight inclination of the head and a sinister smirk> Hmm. You're phunny. We don't call patients to tell them we are putting medications back.
TOOL: Why the hell not?!
CP: Because we call patients to remind them to pick up their prescriptions. Somehow you must have missed the 7 voicemails, 6 texts, 4 letters, 2 emails, and the Stripper Gram we sent to the house over the last 13 days.
TOOL: No one ever called me.
CP: <Having already prepared for this, spins computer around> It shows right here that an actual human being answered the call and took our message on 3 of the occasions we rang your dwelling. Oh, and someone signed for the Stripper Gram so you'd better check out what TOOL Jr. has to say about it.
TOOL: How long now?
CP: Probably 3 to 7 minutes.
TOOL: I'll be back tonight.
CP: I thought you desperately needed this now.

#HowTheySurviveSoMisguidedIsAMystery

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