The following conversation recently took place.There once was a girl from Albuquerque whose brother happened to live near me. This is their story.
CP: Thanks for calling CP's Pharmacy where we dispense doses of reality. How may I help you?
Someone Expecting A Lot: I was calling to see about paying for prescriptions over the phone. My brother lives up there and I wanted to pay using my credit card.
CP: I must apologise, but we are not allowed to accept credit card payments over the phone.
SEAL: Why the hell not?
CP: Our mutual protection.
SEAL: If my brother walks in there with cash, can he pick it up?
CP: Of course. Cash, amazingly enough, is like cash. It's rather universally accepted as a standard form of payment. Cash is always welcome.
SEAL: "So you're telling me if I drove all the way up there, walked in and paid cash, I couldn't pick it up?"
CP: Not sure where you live, but that's quite a leap in a logical train of thought. I simply said I couldn't take your credit card information over the phone.
SEAL: But I have cash.
CP: Which I can't take over the phone either. Not quite sure how you even expect that to work.
SEAL: But I want to pay for it there so you can show my account as paid then he can pick it up at another store.
CP: Wait. What? If I follow, you are telling me: You are hours away from me. Your brother lives near me. You want to pay me for something he is going to pick up at another location. And to speed the story along, the prescription is for your dad?
SEAL: Yes. I don't see the problem.
CP: Oh. That IS the problem. Have you tried that with Starbuck's? Maybe had your brother place an order in Des Moines, called the Starbuck's in Decatur to pay for it, then sent someone else to pick up the order in Detroit?
SEAL: No, that's stupid.
SEAL: We don't live there.
CP: <beats head into counter>