No Cure For Dependency

These are days to remember. 

Remember when math was done with an abacus? Then a calculator? 

Remember all the other times we were taught to use paper and pencil and show our work? 

Remember calendars and the little song "30 days hath September, April, June, and November"? 

With technology today, you can forget everything. Period. Everything can be forgotten because there's an app or a website or something to help you. Yes. This happened. 

CP: Thank you for calling. This is The Cynical P-Harmacist. How may I help you?

HIM: My name is Hard Is Math. I am a Nurse Practitioner and I received a message to call you back. 

CP: Yes. Thank you for returning my call. 

HIM: In school, they told us that if a pharmacist calls, something is wrong and we need to fix it. 

CP: Wisdom for all. Here is the problem. You wrote 3 prescriptions for Ritalin for a patient at his last visit. 

HIM: Correct. They come every 3 months and I know I am allowed to do that. Go on. 

CP: You wrote: "Fill 30 days after first Rx was filled" on the second one. 

HIM: Right. 

CP: Unfortunately, the DEA is quite clear that you have to specify "the earliest DATE" upon which that prescription may be filled. Else wise, there is naught to prevent someone from taking all 3 prescriptions to multiple pharmacies to be filled on the same day. No one will know when the first was filled. 

HIM: I see. You are quite correct. You have shown me the error of my ways and I shall amend them. 

CP: Lovely. I am happy to have helped. 

HIM: I have another question. 

CP: Go on. 

HIM: What website do you use for the calculations? (actual quote)

CP: My brain. I take the current day and add 30. It's quite easy as I've practiced using a calendar and math my whole life. 

HIM: Isn't there an easier way? 

CP: No. I do these date checks dozens of times a day. It's almost as easy as breathing to me. You wrote the prescription on December 22nd. Since December has 31 days, you simply subtract 1 from the same day next month giving you January 21st. Simple. Even simpler is writing the prescription in a month with only 30 days. Here's a secret, the date is the same. April 20th becomes May 20th. 

HIM: "Is there a website you use to calculate dates?" (true quote)

CP: No. As I mentioned earlier, I do them in my head. If this does not work for you, simply looking at a calendar would be quite efficient as well. 

HIM: "Is there an app or something I can use? (true follow up quote)

CP: No. This has probably got to be the easiest calculation I perform all day. The only thing harder is 28 day supplies. It adds an extra step of subtraction. 

HIM: Okay. "Well I know those websites and apps exist so I'll find one on my own." (again, true)

CP: You go right ahead. I'd rather the math be right. However, it will most likely take you a whole lot longer to stop what you're doing, open the website, enter the date and days, wait for the answer, and write it down than it will to just follow my helpful guidelines. 

HIM: Thanks. 

<CP recounting story to Uber-Tech>

 UT: She said that? 

CP: Verbatim. 

UT: I bet she takes online pregnancy tests too.