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Friday, September 4, 2015

But I'm a Prescriber

There are no more powerful words in the English Language than these.
It is the fix-it-all answer for any situation. 
CP: There's a problem with this prescription you wrote. 
Good Ole Doctor: But I'm a prescriber. 
CP: Your car ran out of gas. 
GOD: But I'm a prescriber. 
CP: You have a small penis. 
GOD: But I'm a prescriber. 
CP: I'm trying to explain why you're wrong. 
GOD: But I'm a prescriber. 

You get the picture. This would not be so bad if the following events had not taken place. 
CP: You can only get one inhaler. 
GOD: But I'm a prescriber. I write it like this all the time. 
CP: Good. So you understand that just because you write it like that does not mean they actually get it filled like that. 
GOD: But we need one for home and one for school. 
CP: And the insurance only allows one at a time. Picture this. Let's pretend that you're a prescriber...
GOD: But I'm a Prescriber. 
CP: Good. So stay with me. As a prescriber you know that you can write for whatever you want, let's say 90 days of HCTZ 25mg. The insurance...
GOD: But I'm a prescriber. I know what you're trying to say and I get it. 
CP: I don't think you do because you keep interrupting me. As I was saying...
GOD: But I'm a prescriber and we need one for home and one for school. 
CP: Okay. Let's try this. Let's pretend it's NOT the first day of school. Your insurance only pays for one inhaler because, per the directions, this one inhaler is a 25 day supply. This means you can only get one filled per month...You can refill it...
GOD: But I'm a prescriber. I know this. Just tell me when I can get another one. 
CP: As I was saying...most likely, you can get it in 17 days. 
GOD: And it will be free, right? 
CP: Wait what? Why free? 
GOD: Because it's the rest of what was written. I shouldn't have to pay another copay because you can't fill the whole thing today. 
CP: How does that even begin to make sense? 
GOD: But I'm a prescriber. I know these things. 
CP: Obviously not a good one and obviously you don't. Back to the 90 day thing. You can write for whatever you want. It does not mean the insurance has to pay for it. If they limit you to 30 days, you don't come back and get the next 2 months for free. 
GOD: But I'm a prescriber. Of course what you are saying makes no sense to me. You are the fool. Just tell me what I need to do to get my child's inhalers filled. 
CP: I tried but you kept interrupting me. 
GOD: I'll just call my coworker and have her send a new one for two inhalers. 
CP: Fine. As long as it meets the criteria for payment from the insurance or we will be back to the top of this dialogue and I don't think you want to try this again. It will end poorly for you. 
GOD: But I'm a prescriber. 


  1. "Prescribe your child a pocket, in which s/he may transport the inhaler from home to school and vice versa."

  2. No! Enter my comments here? But, I'm the prescriber!