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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

But I am a Doctor!

Can I just say that I love this!? I wish I could just post a letter telling people all the ways I intend to shirk my responsibilities as a healthcare provider, and make everyone do my job for me. Fortunately for me, I am not this self-righteous. I may have a little ego problem, but this is a study in pompous grandiosity. I love to point out to people where someone is so full of himself that he misses the point entirely and ends up making an ass instead. Let's take a closer look at the message...

"...Your refill will be ready when you arrive at the pharmacy." Since when did you work in my pharmacy? I invite you for a visit. Please come to my pharmacy during one of your many hours NOT spent at your office and we will follow your plan to the letter.

"You should call your pharmacy for refills." Piss off. How about you actually see your patients in the office and, I don't know, write them prescriptions, like you had to do the very first time they visited?

"...If the office is closed..." Sweet. You get to leave before 5pm every week day, you go on vacations, you go to (pharma-sponsored) conferences, you get to leave the office and not tell us. Give me your itinerary and I'll try real hard to track you down. Better yet, you do what most people do when other businesses are closed-you wait until they reopen. How about that? Sometimes, a spoon is just a spoon. Who encourages their patients to be assholes? I see this office is accepting a limited number of new patients. Let's tell all of Texas they can get free appointments certain days and times. The office will only take the first 12 people waiting in line any given morning. If you are refused, call the State Medical Board and tell them you are being discriminated against. Yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. Where else do people think this is at all acceptable behaviour other than a prescriber's office?

...and finally...

*Winner for Best Prescriber Idea Ever in 2014*-- and I quote: "Call our office to get the number of the covering doctor, call the covering doctor's office, then hand the phone to the pharmacist." Abso-f*cking-lutely brilliant! I want to send flowers to this douchebag. Think about it...If I can be "lazy" and get the patient to call his own doctor for his own refill on my phone and he will give me the refill? Mission Accomplished! (During normal office hours--there's always a catch in fine print.) The end result is the same--patient does all the work, a real prescriber gives me the refill, and I get to fill it without any of the extra work. Call me lazy anytime. Please embarrass me like this. Thank you Herr Prescriber! I don't know what we pharmacists would do without a strong leader like you to show us the error of our ways and tell us how to perform our jobs. Hopefully the sequel to this will be "How to get others to do your work without actually being in an office" or "How I got my license on a beach in the Caribbean Islands and reading WebMD articles". Vis-a-vis Pinocchio, you can shout with pride "I'm a real doctor!".

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